Last night Oom Eddie's car was stolen outside church. If you are somehow new to this blog and can't be arsed to click on a link, Oom Eddie is the kindly gentleman I rent a room from. As I mentioned before, Oom Eddie is one of the kindest, gentlest, most giving people I know. I can think of no one who actually lives out the commands of Jesus the way he does. I recently discovered that the reason our meat supply got so suspiciously low all of a sudden is because he started giving away packages of frozen meat to people who stop by begging for food. Now having your car stolen sucks 5 kinds of ass but Oom Eddie is taking this pretty hard. He is usually asleep by 8 but last night he was up till way past 11, alternately blasting Gospel and Simon & Garfunkel. Turns out that against all reason he sees this as a punishment from God. If you think that's weird, wait till you hear why.
See, due to his tender heart, the man likes to create work for the unemployed. As such he gets his car washed so regularly I'm amazed it still has paint on. Last month he had the house painted even though for the most part it certainly didn't need any paint. That's when the trouble started though. See the guy he hired to paint (and paid pretty well I might add) kept on showing up after all the painting was done demanding more work. Now Oom Eddie is not a rich man and painting the house emptied his coffers and seeing as how the painting was pretty much just busywork in the first place there was nothing else to do around the house. So, though I assume it was very hard for him, he told the worker in question (Elias) to go away because he had nothing left to give him and nothing for him to do. Fast forward to last night. Now, with the parable of the Rich man and Lazarus weighing heavily on his soul, he has come to the conclusion that God is punishing him for not helping Elias more.
All this reminded me of why I so happily embrace the random universe we live in. I don't torture myself like this when something shitty happens because I don't think everything happens for a reason. Well, technically everything does happen for a reason but my point is that most of those reasons have sweet screw all to do with me. Tectonic plates move, pressure builds, earthquake happens. It's not the anger of God or Karma or the retarded Law of Attraction, it's just the wheels of the universe turning. Occasionally said wheels fling some shit your way. It happens. It's not to say that we aren't responsible for some of the things that happen to us. But while some people get heart attacks because they live on deep fried bacon grease, others have heart attacks because of a genetic flaw. So spare yourself as much shit as you can but live with the knowledge that you cannot stop it all. Once you make peace with that it just hurts less.
Not I very popular message I grant you. That's why things like The Secret, The Prayer of Jabes and the entire Word of Faith movement is so enduringly popular - people will grasp at any straw offering them control over an indifferent and uncontrollable universe. For many, the illusion of control is better than the reality of no just how little we truly control.
Which is all a very roundabout way of saying that Elias is working on the tiles in the kitchen right now...
‘That’s why we are here’
9 hours ago