Why Evangelical Support for Donald Trump Makes Total Sense

The fact that Donald Trump became the presidential nominee of a major party is baffling to people all over the world but somehow even more baffling to Christian folk all over (US included) is his support amongst Evangelical Christians.  I mean here you have the literal incarnation of the bad guy in every one of Jesus' parables and he doesn't just have their support, he has their enthusiastic support!  While on the one hand he can't seem to stop doing wrong, to them he can do no wrong!  I think I can clear that up though.  To a lifelong student of White Western Evangelical Christianity this really shouldn't be all that baffling.  When you think about it, it makes utter and complete sense.

But that's only if anyone is still around to see 2024...

See, in Donald Trump Evangelicals have someone they can treat the way they've been treating God all their lives, so of course they're going to worship him.  Think about it, he says one thing and then later says the complete opposite.  As his followers they then insist that doesn't count and that what he really meant was because and also there's no contradiction here, all these alleged contradictions are just being exaggerated by his enemies who hate him and want to distract from all the good he's doing!  See? They can treat Trump the way they've been treating the Bible their whole lives.  In a way, they've been training for the Trump candidacy since Sunday School!

That's why it doesn't matter how many terrible things Trump says.  You can quote him all you like, you'll have more luck trying to convince Evangelicals to cancel the rib cookoff by quoting Leviticus.  

Or rather, you'll have exactly the same amount of luck.  For exactly the same reasons.

Shut up and listen

Have you heard about those students who came up with the date rape drug detecting nail polish?

When I first saw this news making the rounds on social media I thought it was awesome news!  Unlike a certain locally invented product, this can actually prevent rape from ever taking place so surely this would be good news for everyone (except rapists).  So I was more than a little bit surprised when I saw that a lot of people were actually very unhappy with this development and they weren't rapists, they were my feminist friends!

They were arguing that once again this "solution" ignores the real problem - the rapists - and instead adds yet another weight to the already massive burden we place on women to prevent their own rapes.  Now added to: don't go out alone, don't wear a mini skirt, don't flirt, don't drink too much & don't get separated from your friends we are adding "wear date rape detecting nail polish".  This makes not getting raped the woman's problem and does nothing to stop guys from being rapists.

Now my first response to that was to say, "You know what? I get it!  Teaching about consent should be a prominent part of sex ed and guys need to be taught that sleeping with a girl too drunk to know her own name is not sex but rape, etc BUT those are all long term strategies and this nail polish can help someone right now.  Why can't it all be part of a multi-pronged approach to ending instances of rape?"

But then I went to breakfast.

While waiting for my food I couldn't help but overhear the table next to me talking.  So one young lady at the table seems to be some kind of traveling salesperson, not sure for what and she was telling a story of something that recently happened to her.  She had an appointment with a guy living on a homestead just a bit outside of the city.  When she arrived the guy asked her if she wanted a cooldrink which she declined.  He then became very insistent that she have a drink but she kept on refusing and eventually he said he was going to get himself a drink and she should have one with him.  After clearly hearing him stirring something in the kitchen he returns with one glass and claimed that he had his drink in the kitchen and she should have her drink now.  She still refused and quickly became aware that he had no interest at all in whatever she was selling and was just focused on her drinking her drink.  So she left and now got to tell this as one of those "a funny thing happened to me on the job the other day" stories and not the obvious horror story it almost was.  No, scratch that, it was still a horror story, I was horrified just eavesdropping!  But to her, and I assume her friends at the table, this was just one of those things that happens and you have to deal with.

That's when it hit me.  The truth was that no, I did not actually "get it".  I don't know what life is like for women.  I can't.  Their experience of this world is at time completely alien to mine.  And this goes way beyond that.  There are social, racial and political realities I do not and cannot experience.  Why then do I feel the need to say, "Look guys I may have no experience of your problem but I'm a smart guy so shut up and listen to me while I hand down the solutions to all your problems"?  That sort of thing really makes someone seem like a huge asshole, even if those aren't the exact words used.  I think we all do it sometimes and we probably don't even mean it that way but that is kind of what it sounds like.  At least that's what it sounds like to me whenever the roles are reversed.

So maybe the answer is to not be so quick to give my 2 cents in every single matter.  Maybe the best thing would be for me to shut up and listen.  Really listen, not just wait for an opening to step in and unveil my solution.  After all, even if I'm right, why should anyone give me the time of day if I'm not willing to make a real effort to understand where they're coming from?

Look, I'm not saying you should never get to speak your mind or have an opinion.  But seriously, if you feel the need to always have your opinion heard, valued and admired in every situation regardless of how well informed you are then what kind of person does that make you?

The Privilege Superpower

Lately the subject of privilege (especially white privilege) has been been generating a lot of discussion.  There was the ivy league kid who wrote an essay on it that went viral which in turn generated a lot of smart responses from smart people. Now since I have both very liberal and very conservative people in my FB news feed I get to read a whole lot about the subject of privilege.  Some insist it's real, others insist it's a myth and some feel hurt at the very mention of privilege, taking it as a personal insult.
 

and then some of it is conspiratorial to the point of racism

Clearly there are a lot of misconceptions regarding the idea of privilege.  I don't claim to be an expert, I still have a lot to learn but I do know enough to know that a lot of what people seem to hate about it is completely mistaken. Privilege is not so much an insult as a fact of life.  It's not something you're supposed to feel guilty about or apologize for and it definitely doesn't mean you didn't work to get where you are and that you got everything in life for free.  Let's look at it in a completely different way, maybe that will make it clearer:

Imagine you are living in a comic book universe.  You are still you but you share this planet with the like of Superman, Green Lantern and the rest of the Justice League (or Spiderman, the X-men and the Avengers if you prefer).  You are a human but they are SUPERhuman.  How would you feel about that?  Would you demand that Superman apologize for being born on Krypton?  Would you want him to feel guilty for his ability to be faster than a speeding bullet?  I'm guessing you won't.  I know I wouldn't mind them because while they have abilities I don't, they use those abilities to do good things.



But say there was this apple orchard that advertised a free apple picking day.  Gates open at 8 AM and you get to keep all the delicious apples you pick.  So you show up at 7 but find that Superman and The Flash are also in line and the second the gate opens they run in at super speed and pick all the apples in a nanosecond.  Would you be OK with that?  How would you feel if you confronted Superman about the ton of apples he was carrying out and he said "Well I just picked apples as fast as I could with my friend here, why didn't you do the same?"?  That would be a dick move, wouldn't it?

OK!  Now you understand privilege!

See, we don't live in a comic book universe but we still have a world where some people have superpowers.  Sure they're not as spectacular as being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound but they are real and they do offer real advantages.  Let's take a very easy one that's easy to overlook - having parents that are alive and who love you (and for the sake of this example live above the poverty line and have disposable income).  Now that will most certainly make your childhood a lot easier than those who either do not have parents or those who have parents that are around but are indifferent or abusive.  But it doesn't stop there though, this is a superpower that can empower you for years.  If this is a superpower you have then you probably have help getting through college and you don't have to clear the hurdle of doing it all by yourself.  Of course you're still going to have to study and work hard to get through it, no one is trying to deny that, but you have people in your corner who are supporting you in every way they can, emotionally and financially.  Then when you are done with college this gives you the power to start a business in your parents' garage (because you have parents and they have a garage).  Or maybe you don't, maybe you go out there and try things your own way and you get to, because if you over reach and it all comes crashing down then you have a place to go back to.  The superpower of parents means you are never going to be in freefall all the way to the gutter, you have a home to go back to and regroup (free of charge).  It may be humbling, it may be downright humiliating but it's a damn sight better than ending up on the street.  But maybe you don't start a business, maybe you get married instead and that marriage turns bad.  Having parents that would take you in can make all the difference in the world.  You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship because your options are not stay or starve.  You have parents, you have a safety net, you have a superpower.  It's not something to be ashamed of and it's most certainly not something to apologize for but surely you can see that this is an advantage to have?  Fact is, not everyone has this advantage.

That is how privilege works.  It's not about getting everything for free, it's about having less hurdles to clear in the game of life.  You still have to work, you will still have to overcome, but you have certain superpowers to help you out.  Imagine your life as it is and as an able bodied person.  Now imagine how your life would have been if you had been born disabled.  Still the same life or would the road to getting where you are now have been much harder?  Having sight or hearing or the use of your limbs don't seem like much when you've always had them but they allow you a certain level of ease in life that you don't even realize.  Sometimes the superpower you have can even be as simple as the ability to fit in.  When you belong to a racial group or a gender or a sexual orientation or a religion that is different from the majority of people around you then fitting in is harder while fitting in perfectly just streamlines your voyage through life.  Not very spectacular I know but not even having to consider the obstacles others have to overcome just to be on the same playing field as you is pretty much a superpower if you think about it.

So what then do you do about this superpower?  Well if you have one or more superpowers the good news is that you don't have to feel guilty about it!  Not at all!  You don't have to apologize either!  Rather, be like those in the comics who have superpowers and use your superpowers for good.  Great news!  Using the superpower of privilege doesn't require you to fight giant robots or monsters from outer space.  You don't need to go save anyone.  Through the simple act of acknowledging your own privilege superpowers and noticing how that changes your world as opposed to those who do not have them can be a pretty radical act.  In our world some voices carry more weight than others.  You don't need to swoop in like a mighty hero and speak on their behalf, just give those voices space to be heard.

But fine if you don't want to do that then at the very very very least, don't be a ass about it.  Don't be like Superman and Flash at the apple orchard and pretend like the playing field is equal and that everyone else in the world can do what you did if they just weren't so damn lazy.  Seriously guys, don't do that.  It's a dick move, don't do it.  You (probably) have (some) superpowers in life in and if you're not going to use it to help then at least acknowledge the fact that you have them and have some compassion for those who do not.

But whatever you do, PLEASE do not use your superpowers to oppress those who do not share them.  That makes you a supervillain.  Don't be an asshole but especially don't be a supervillain.

The dreaded Friend Zone

I usually really enjoy the videos by Cult of Dusty on youtube but recently he posted this video which really annoyed me for several reasons:



Now one of the big reasons this video upsets me is that if I saw this 10 years ago, I would be cheering and endorsing it for finally telling the TRUTH and I'm ashamed of that.  Honestly I'm not sure which stole more quality from my youth, being stuck in a crazy charismatic cult or being stuck in the "friend zone".

The other big reason this upsets me is because I like Dusty, I like his style and most of all, I like his insistence on using logic.  This video, while featuring a lot of memes about "evil women" exploiting "nice guys" didn't actually feature much logic.

So here is what I wish I could tell my 20 year old self about the dreaded friend zone.

Firstly I'll grant Dusty this, he did give one piece of solid advice: Stop being a coward!  If you are romantically interested in someone, tell them.  If they're not interested and you are not interested in them in any way other than sexually/romantically then be brave enough to walk away.  Being rejected hurts but not nearly as much as pining for someone for years while they are completely oblivious to your feelings.  You're just making yourself miserable and you'll probably end up making them miserable by being all passive-aggressive about it.  Be brave enough to be honest with them and if you can't then at least be brave enough to be honest with yourself about the fact that you don't actually want to just be their friend.  Which brings me to my next point...

Stop whining about how "nice guys" are always stuck in the friend zone by those evil bitches.  Just stop.  If you're in this position then you're not a nice guy.  There is nothing "nice" about pretending to be someone's friend while in actual fact you're trying to gain enough emotional leverage to become something else.  You're being disingenuous and there is nothing nice about that.  This is not a video game.  You don't get to level up to sexytimes by investing a certain amount of friendship points.  That's not how real life works.  And you already know that because...

You don't apply this kind of reasoning to your life, so why do you expect that from others?  If someone you are not attracted to at all tells you they are interested, would you say "Well I don't like you that way but you seem like a nice person who will treat me well so sure, lets date!"?  You wouldn't.  That's not how attraction works.  So why expect it to work that way for others?  Here is some hard truth: you are not entitled to love or sex or relationship or intimacy.  Just because you like someone romantically that doesn't obligate them to like you back the same way.  And again, you already know that because you don't feel obligated to be attracted to people you find unattractive.  So stop with this idiotic double standard.

So if you're stuck in the friend zone here are 3 easy steps you need to take to get out:

Step 1: Stop feeling sorry for yourself.  If you keep seeing yourself as a victim that's all you'll be.

Step 2: Start being honest with yourself.  Chances are you already know if this person is clearly not attracted to you so stop trying to change that by wishing really hard. The Secret is bullshit.  Attraction doesn't work that way and you know it.

Step 3:  Be honest, if there was absolutely no chance of a romantic relationship of any kind (ever), would you still be hanging around this person and acting like a friend?
Step 3a:  If NO then either tell this person how you feel and bear the consequences or end this "friendship" because you're not doing anyone a favour by hanging around.
Step 3b:  If YES then maybe stop trying to make this something it can't be and just be a friend for real without expecting anything more.

But for fuck's sake, stop acting like being nice to someone entitles you to getting in their pants.  That's just fucking childish!  If that's your game plan then you're not a nice person, you're a fraud.  LOGIC!

A DBAA Intermission featuring Duck Sex

The last couple of posts I wrote were a lot of fun but also rather frustrating.  Sure, it's cathartic to rail against the religious assholes of the world but there is also the depressing certainty that none of it matters.  Those guys are never going to stop.  They're certainly not going to change their minds because someone on the internet wrote a ranty open letter on his blog.  They are high and mighty and secure in their power and no amount of ranting and railing will change a damn thing.

So to cheer myself up I looked up some funny videos on Youtube.  One of them was my favourite awkward love song - it may be the sweetest and dirtiest thing ever - by comedy music duo Garfunkle & Oates.  That's when I found this video, which also happened to be be in response to something Pat Robertson said:



I loved it and it gave me hope.  Mark Driscoll, Pat Robertson and guys like them will probably always be assholes but that's no reason to throw in the towel.  This may be the perfect response to statements made by Pat and his ilk.  Laughing, mocking, pointing out how wrong they are and how stupid they sound is the way to go.  Firstly because they're making statements that are patently ridiculous and so calling them out and mocking them for it is totally called for.  But secondly, most importantly, it displays their powerlessness. 

These so called "men of God" often hide behind their titles, their office, their "anointing".  They expect respect because they claim to have a direct line to the Almighty.  Nothing disproves this better than mocking them.  You will not be struck dead on the spot, you won't get hit with a dread disease.  Take my word on this, you will not be devoured by bears for calling Pat Robertson an asshole on the internet.  They have nothing.  No magical anointing to strike you down, no Jesus magic to vex you with.  They don't have the ear of the Almighty nor do they have access to dread mystic powers of the Divine.  They may paint themselves as prophets cut from the same cloth as Moses and Elijah but they have nothing on those guys.

That's not to say they have no power at all.  They do have power, of course they do.  But this is power given to them - not by any deity, but by people like you and me.  They have the power of influence.  Whenever people take Mark Driscoll's sermons to heart, they give him power.  Whenever someone asks Pat Robertson for advice and they take it, they give him power.  They have power because we let them have power.  That's all they have.  If tomorrow everyone decides that these men are terrible human beings and not worthy of giving advice to anyone they will have no more power.  None.  They only have as much power as is given to them by those who take them seriously.

This is why mocking is good.  This is why ranting and railing and pointing out how very wrong they are is valuable.  Sure, it may not change much but it does change something.  It displays to the world - and all those who believe they have a direct line to God - that they are actually nothing to be scared of.  They talk a good game but they got nothing.  And who knows, maybe you can convince a former follower to rethink their loyalty.  Even if you influence only one person, that's one less person they can draw power from.  So do it!  Call them out!  Call them stupid, show how wrong they are.  Mock them, expose them, shout it from the rooftops!  If you undermine their influence you take their power.  Doesn't that sound like a worthy goal?  Let's starve these motherfuckers!

DBAA: to orphans

Dear Pat Robertson,

How much do you know about South Africa?  Did you know that we have 11 national languages?  It's true!  This country is home to so many languages and cultures and ethnic groups, it will make your head spin!  Now we all may differ on a lot of issues but there are also a whole lot of things we all agree on.  Respect for your elders is a pretty big one.  Some cultural groups here actually worship their ancestors so respect for the elderly is pretty much a religious duty.  In my culture it's not so much religious but it's pretty damn important.  In Afrikaner culture,  respect for our elders is a value that (for many in my generation at least) was quite literally beaten into us.  We treat elders with reverence and we address them in a respectful manner at all times.  This is a deep kind of programming I cannot get past.  Even when I'm sitting next to a really racist old person on the bus, I find myself unable to do anything but grit my teeth, force a smile and nod while I wait for them to leave.  Being polite and respectful to the elderly is pretty much in my DNA.

I mention all this so you can understand the full weight of what I'm about to say.  You are a terrible, horrible person.  You are such a horrible human being that my cultural programming doesn't even try to kick in when you're concerned.  You've been kind of an asshole for years now, giving terrible advice on a wide range of topics, but now you've completely crossed the line.  I'm referring to this:



You evil motherfucker!  You do realize you're on a Christian network right?  Was it too much to ask for you to even fake being a Christian for the duration of your show?  There is a name for people like you.  You're an antichrist.  Literally.  Jesus said to take care of the orphans and the outcasts and you are telling people to do the opposite.  Anti - Christ.  That's you.

Seriously?  "A man doesn't want to take care of the United Nations"?  "United Nations"? Is that racist old white guy code speak for "not white"?  Yeah, that's not fooling anyone.  "You don't have to take on somebody else's problem"?  Yeah that's the Gospel right there.  Not the Gospel of Jesus Christ obviously.  The Gospel according to Ayn Rand perhaps but not Jesus.  Oh, and you love orphans?  You love helping people?  Yeah sure!  All you ask is that they stay far away from you with their icky orphan hands and their weirdness.  Heaven forbid they get any dirt on your nice things!  You'll help them, they just need to stay far far away.  Yeah, that's not love.  Love means getting involved.  Love means getting dirty.  Love means partaking in the pain of others.  Your "love" for orphans is really just love for Pat Robertson and his clean, comfortable life.

And you know what?  If that's how you feel that's your choice.  No one was forcing you to take care of any broken people.  Not everyone is equipped to help and care for others.  Not everyone wants to.  But that's not the issue here.  The issue is that you're flat out commanding people not to care.  You, in your role as the Respected and Anointed Man of God Pat Robertson, is telling a woman who clearly has her heart and her home open to help those in need that she is wrong to help them and she is wrong to expect anyone else not to be a massive dick about it.  That is so fucking wrong I don't think there's a word to describe its wrongness!  Do you even listen to yourself?  You say that these children are being starved and abused and molested and your conclusion is that it is therefore better to leave them in such a living hell?  Really old man?  Better?  Better for who?  Sure as hell not for them!!

You are the worst, Pat Robertson.  The WORST!  I cannot and will not respect you.  Respect is earned and you have earned none of mine.  You're an asshole and if that wasn't bad enough, you're using your position to reshape others into your asshole image.  That needs to stop.  Be an asshole on your own time if you have to.  Don't try to rationalize and normalize your terrible personal views.  Don't pass it on to others.  Don't make assholes feel better about their behavior by telling them they're in the right and the people doing good things are actually in the wrong.  When you do that you are exponentially multiplying the evil in this world.  Stop. that. shit.  If you're not going to be a force for good, then at least try not to be a force for wickedness.  Don't be an asshole.  Asshole.

DBAA: With your family legacy

Dear Franklin Graham,

You're not fooling anyone.  I know you think you are.  You think you're being oh so clever, using your famous dad to say your words like he's your own personal muppet.  Shame on you!  You're not being clever, you're being an asshole!

Seriously, did you not think anyone would notice?  When the Billy Graham who has been steering clear of politics for decades suddenly starts sending out statements full of Republican Party talking points, did you not think anyone would ask questions?  When suddenly everything your dad allegedly says starts sounds exactly like what you've been saying, did you not think anyone would put 2 and 2 together?  Come on!  First you pretend like he weighed in on Chick-Fil-A and now you're pretending like he took out the following full page ad:

"The legacy we leave behind for our children, grandchildren, and this great nation is crucial. As I approach my 94th birthday, I realize this election could be my last. I believe it is vitally important that we cast our ballots for candidates who base their decisions on biblical principles and support the nation of Israel. I urge you to vote for those who protect the biblical definition of marriage between a man and a woman. Vote for biblical values this November 6, and pray with me that America will remain one nation under God."

Yeah right!  That wasn't your dad, that was all you!  Everyone knows it!  I bet you think that people look at these anti-gay, anti-woman statements and go "Well geez if Billy Graham - Protestant Pope - thinks so then I better change my vote!"  They don't.  I can link you to some blogs and facebook discussions if you'd like.  Mostly the reaction is just eye rolling and people saying "Great!  Franklin is at it again!  What a douche!"  Like I said, you ain't fooling no one.  This is all you and everyone knows it.

Now I realize that I could be wrong.  Maybe these are the words and thoughts of Billy Graham.  Maybe at 93, with advanced Parkinsons, your dad decided to become the Culture Warrior he never showed any interest in being before.  Maybe.  But I have my doubts.  See my grandpa is 94.  He doesn't have any serious illnesses like your dad and to this day his mind is like a diamond - clear and sharp.  But he's still 94 and 94 is old.  His eyesight is gone and his hearing isn't far behind.  He can still walk but it's clearly with great difficulty.  He may have some strong opinions but he's not involved in a whole lot of activism these days.  He doesn't write letters and he certainly doesn't get involved in any projects these days.  He's not alone in that either.  Nelson Mandela is also 94 and when was the last time you saw him giving any speeches?  I think that when you're in your 90's you don't really want to pick fights anymore.  By 94 you've done your bit, you've passed on the torch to the next generation and you're just trying to live your last years with as much quiet dignity as you can manage.  Well that's been my experience with every 94 year old I've ever known, but like I said, your experience may be different.  I just really really doubt it.  I think he did pass the torch to you.  I also think you took that torch and promptly set fire to everything your dad built in his lifetime.

You can probably tell that I don't really care for you Franklin.  Frankly, I think you're a snake (and that's really the kindest way I can put it).  But I really liked your dad.  Billy Graham was someone I really used to look up to.  He wasn't like most spiritual celebrities.  He wasn't involved in any sex scandals, he wasn't constantly asking people for more money and I never heard him make any claims of magical healing powers.  His ministry was inclusive, not exclusive.  He was for interfaith outreach and desegregation long before it was popular.  In fact back in 2008 I wrote a blog post listing some of the Christians of note I really admired and his name was first on the list.  Four short years ago I really admired your dad, as did most people.  Saints, sinners, Christians and heathens (for the most part) could agree that Billy Graham was not like the others.  He was a good guy.  You think that's still the consensus after the shit you pulled recently?

My parent's generation may still go to their graves admiring him but my generation has had their memories of the man thoroughly sullied.  Still, that's nothing compared to the new generation.  All he will ever be to them is "that old bigot, Billy Graham".  That's on YOU Franklin Graham, that's all on you.  You did that.  You destroyed the good legacy of Billy Graham and replaced it with something terrible.  And for what?  Really, what did you gain from all this?

So please, won't you take your father's alleged words to heart and think of your legacy?  Don't be an asshole.  But, if you really can't help yourself and you just for some reason have to be an asshole then please, speak for yourself.  Don't be an asshole on behalf of your dad.  But seriously though, give strong consideration to just not being an asshole, period.

DBAA: About Esther

Dear Mark Driscoll,

OK, we get it - you don't like women!  You've made it abundantly clear by now that you consider "feminine" to be synonymous with "inferior" and "feminist" to be synonymous with "the worst thing ever".  So seeing as how you've already firmly established this fact, was it really necessary to hammer that home by taking a massive shit on Esther?  You wrote the following about her:

"She grows up in a very lukewarm religious home as an orphan raised by her cousin. Beautiful, she allows men to tend to her needs and make her decisions. Her behavior is sinful and she spends around a year in the spa getting dolled up to lose her virginity with the pagan king like hundreds of other women. She performs so well that he chooses her as his favorite. Today, her story would be, a beautiful young woman living in a major city allows men to cater to her needs, undergoes lots of beauty treatment to look her best, and lands a really rich guy whom she meets on The Bachelor and wows with an amazing night in bed. She’s simply a person without any character until her own neck is on the line, and then we see her rise up to save the life of her people when she is converted to a real faith in God."


Seriously guy?  Is there no bottom to your misogyny?  You can actually read the book of Esther and manage come up with THAT interpretation?  I know you're not a fan of the womens but really, does your hatred and scorn really run that deep? 


You claim to be a Bible scholar, did you at any point during the preparation of your sermon series on the book of Esther actually read the book of Esther?  First off, little orphan Esther was nothing like "a beautiful young woman living in a major city".  For her to be an unmarried virgin in those days she would have been extremely young.  I'm pretty confident scholars and historians would back me on the fact that she would have been past puberty but probably still under what we would consider the age of consent in today's society - somewhere between 13 and 16 years old.  But fine, you probably don't really have much respect for godless concepts like "scholarship" or "historical accuracy".  So let's stick to the one thing you claim to be a student of.  Let's see what the Bible actually says.


Esther was not some pretty young thing who used her feminine wiles and evil lady parts to snag the king.  Here's how she ended up with her future husband:


"Then the king’s personal attendants proposed, “Let a search be made for beautiful young virgins for the king. Let the king appoint commissioners in every province of his realm to bring all these beautiful young women into the harem at the citadel of Susa. Let them be placed under the care of Hegai, the king’s eunuch, who is in charge of the women; and let beauty treatments be given to them. Then let the young woman who pleases the king be queen instead of Vashti.” This advice appealed to the king, and he followed it. "  (Est 2:2-4)


She did not "land a rich guy", she and countless other young girls were forcibly drafted into the king's harem.  Refusal was not an option.  This king did not take very kindly to women telling him "no".  It's right there in the first chapter where we find out what happened to the previous queen.  When the king - in the middle of a big boozy bender - ordered queen Vashti to present herself at his party "in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles" (whatever THAT may have implied..) she refused and so she ended up stripped of her crown and banished from the king's presence for life.  He decided to make an example of her for the whole empire to see in order to insure that women everywhere didn't get any silly ideas about saying "no" to their husbands:

"“Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.  “Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she. Then when the king’s edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest.”  The king and his nobles were pleased with this advice, so the king did as Memukan proposed. He sent dispatches to all parts of the kingdom, to each province in its own script and to each people in their own language, proclaiming that every man should be ruler over his own household, using his native tongue." (Est 1:16-22)

Also, being conscripted into a harem is not like going on a date.  Here is how that process went:

"Before a young woman’s turn came to go in to King Xerxes, she had to complete twelve months of beauty treatments prescribed for the women, six months with oil of myrrh and six with perfumes and cosmetics. And this is how she would go to the king: Anything she wanted was given her to take with her from the harem to the king’s palace. In the evening she would go there and in the morning return to another part of the harem to the care of Shaashgaz, the king’s eunuch who was in charge of the concubines. She would not return to the king unless he was pleased with her and summoned her by name." (Est 2:12-14)


So yeah, nothing like  going on a date and wowing a dude with how awesome you are at sex.  Harems were for life.  Once a girl went in she had to stay there, regardless of whether the king liked her or wanted to see her ever again.  Does any of this sound romantic to you?  Do you really see feminine wiles at play here?  Because to me this seems like a terrible thing.  To me this seems like sexual slavery.  Clearly not to you though!


So, we have a very young girl who gets rounded up by state officials because she's pretty and then gets thrown in a harem - which will be her new permanent home.  You see all that - I mean you have to see it, it says it all RIGHT THERE IN THE BIBLE YOU CLAIM TO STUDY - and you come away with "Her behavior is sinful and she spends around a year in the spa getting dolled up to lose her virginity with the pagan king like hundreds of other women. She performs so well that he chooses her as his favorite. Today, her story would be, a beautiful young woman living in a major city allows men to cater to her needs, undergoes lots of beauty treatment to look her best, and lands a really rich guy whom she meets on The Bachelor and wows with an amazing night in bed."  Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you??  Is it physically impossible for you to not be a giant asshole where women are concerned?  Oh and of course the only reason the king would have picked her would be the fact that she wowed him with an amazing night in the sack, there's no way it could have been anything else about her right?  It couldn't have been her personality or intelligence or character could it, because you got women all figured out.  You know what they're good for.

The problem is that you're not just an asshole, you're an asshole with a congregation.  A large one.  Full of young men and women.  And you are infecting them with your incredibly dickish view of the world.  Stop it.  For the sake of everything you believe is holy, just stop.  Don't pass on your baseless disdain for women to a new generation of young men.  Don't feed the insecurities the young women in your congregation probably already struggle with.  Just let them have one of the very few female heroes in the Bible without turning her into some opportunistic young slut.  Don't be an asshole.  Especially don't be an asshole to Esther.  She deserves better.

DBAA: About Elections

Dear American Conservative Christians,

Thank you for making me feel like an idiot.  I know none of you actually read it but 4 years ago, when I was still a fresh faced young Christian blogger full of hope and optimism, I wrote you guys a letter.  The elections were drawing near and I had noticed that there were a lot of (conservative Christian) people in the US that were very worried about what it would mean if Obama won.  So because I was under the impression that you guys were just operating under some bad assumptions, I opened my heart and shared a bit of my own story on how things went when my own country - South Africa - suddenly went from an almost exclusively Christian Conservative country to a Liberal, Secular state almost overnight.  We had all the same worries back then (well some of us did) and things ended up much better (or at least not as terrible) as was initially feared.  I thought that would be helpful because, naive simpleton that I was, I thought you guys were legitimately worried.  Clearly I was wrong.  You were just being assholes.

I'm sorry, does my language offend you?  Tough!  Your entire attitude offends me!  You didn't care about the truth at all.  I mistakenly thought you guys cared about facts when all you cared about was fearmongering.  If that doesn't make you an asshole, what does?

Go ahead, read what I wrote to you in October 2008.  While you're there, check out the letters by Focus on the Family and Janet Folger (reposted right here in this line for your convenience!) that prompted me to write my letter in the first place.  Who did a better job of predicting the future?  Be honest, if you still remember how.  It was me!  The stuff they scared you with absolutely did not come to pass* while my advice was pretty spot on if I do say so myself.  The fact that I was right just makes this sting even more.  I should have seen through you even back then.

I see clearly now how this was never about being accurate or truthful to you people.  If it was you would have admitted you overreacted and changed your tune.  But you didn't.  Like the Harold Campings and Alex Jones' of the world your predictions failed but you just went ahead and made them again as if you haven't been so very wrong every time before.  That is not the actions of a moral person, it's the actions of a fearmongering asshole desperately grasping for control over a small scared group of people (and their wallets).  I should have known!  I saw enough of the of the crap you're shilling during the last gasp of Apartheid.  Congratulations, you fooled me!

I hope you feel great about yourselves.  See you and I and your friends over at the news networks know that you're just telling scary campfire stories.  Sure, you all put on serious faces but you know it's not really true.  But not everyone does.  Every now and again, some mentally unstable person takes you seriously and then does the only thing that anyone who ACTUALLY believes you can logically do - they kill people:

  "Albert Peterson shot dead his wife and two sons hours after going to church because he dreaded the thought of Obama winning the election, a family friend has revealed.

    A confidante of the family for the past 25 years has spoken to MailOnline about the strength and grace of the Peterson family, as well as the torment that plagued Albert which drove him to shoot dead his wife Kathleen and his two sons Christopher and Mathew at their suburban home [near] DC on Sunday.

    A history of mental illness, the loss of a dear uncle, and a growing fear of Obama winning a second term in the White House took its toll on the mind of Mr Peterson, a wealthy defense contractor, the friend said."

Don't you dare stand there shaking your heads in sympathy you whitewashed graves!  You should thank your God that more people don't take you seriously.  I mean if someone truly believed that abortion was mass murder on a far greater scale than anything Hitler ever did, why wouldn't they shoot up a clinic?  What kind of person who actually believes babies are being murdered could do any less?  And how can actually believing your bullshit about death panels killing old people and Christians being rounded up into camps to be exterminated not seriously consider shooting someone?  No, really, answer me that you fucking vipers!

But that's not going to change a damn thing, is it?  You're still going to do your best to frighten the shit out of your gullible flock and they are going to listen to you and donate to you and vote the way you tell them to and when - not if - when you're proven wrong again, you will nevertheless do exactly the same thing again when the next election.  So you know what, I don't see the point in even trying to talk sense into you leaders.

Instead, I'm putting this angry letter online in the rather naive hope that maybe one of your followers will read it and have second thoughts.  Conservative Christian, you are being lied to by your leaders.  I'm not saying Obama is a saint and you should vote for him.  Hell there are some great reasons to not support him but you won't hear any of those from your leaders.  Instead they're going to sell you fantasies about coming persecutions and a 1000 years of darkness.  Don't buy into that!  And for the love of all that is good, don't pass on their lies to your friends and family!  I swear, I am not telling you who to vote for.  I'm just asking you for one simple thing.  Don't be an asshole.  Simple as that.  Hell you probably already adhere to that rule when you're in a parking lot or standing in line at the store or interacting with your neighbours.  It's just basic human decency.  That's all I'm asking for.

Don't be an asshole about the elections.  Don't lie about the future.  Don't make up stories.  Don't repeat predictions that are as false now as there were the first 100 times someone made them.  Don't act like you believe them.  No!  Debunk them instead!!  Keep calm and go with your conscience, not your basest fears.  When you find yourself tempted just remember DBAA - Don't Be An Asshole.  Then go forth and don't be one.  You'll be a happier person for it and you will never have to worry that maybe you were complicit in the deaths of anyone.

Regards,
Eugene

*PS
If you want to see these "predictions" thoroughly demolished, check out Libby Anne's blog.  She does a great job going through these false prophecies bit by bit right here.  Don't trust them and their suits and smiling pious faces.  They lied before and they are lying now.  They are not the "men of God" they are pretending to be.