Comment of the year!

OK I know I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like and so I deeply love and appreciate anyone who still bothers to read this blog and that goes double for anyone who still bothers to comment here.  However let it be known that anyone who has ever commented here now has a new comment to try and live up to.  But don't bother, you will never match its pure greatness.

Behold:

"
This is my testimony about the good work of a man who helped me..My name is Lee Marie, and I am from London.My life
is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to
end, and was falling apart. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr momoh who i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet, I was searching for a good spell caster that can solve my problems. I came across series of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. There was one particular testimony I saw, it was about a woman called grace,she testified about how Dr momoh brought back her Ex lover in less than 72 hours and at the end of her testimony she drop papa moh e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give great Dr a try. I
contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 3 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues,
and we are even happier than before. papa momoh is really a talented and gifted man and i will not stop publishing him
because he is a wonderful man...If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve that
problem for you. Try the great Dr momoh today, he might be the answer to your problem. Here's his contact:
spiritualistmomohtemple@gmail.com Thank you great one. Contact him for the following:
(1)If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3)You want to be promoted in your office.
(4)You want women/men to run after you.
(5)If you want a child.
(6)[You want to be rich.
(7)You want to tie your husband/wife to be yours forever.
(8)If you need financial assistance.
(9)Herbal care
10)Help bringing people out of prison
(11)Marriage Spells
(12)Miracle Spells like magic pens for exams,interviews etc
(13)Beauty Spells
(14)PROPHECY CHARM
(15)Attraction Spells
(16)Evil Eye Spells
(17)Kissing Spell
(18)Remove Sickness Spells like HIV and Aids
You can reach him with his phone number +2347038174961 or
Contact him today on:
spiritualistmomohtemple@gmail.com
BE CAREFUL IN WHOM YOU DEAL WITH IN ORDER NOT TO BE DECEIVED BY SCAMMERS THEY ARE ALL AROUND YOU.THEY WILL COLLECT YOUR MONEY FOR SERVICES THEY CAN NEVER RENDER.REPORT SCAMMERS TODAY YOU MIGHT BE REWARDED.

SAY NO TO SCAMS!!!
"

I think my favourite part is when they warn you about scams.  I mean sure, all the OTHER wizards out there are totally fake but not THIS GUY!

Best part is this was probably left on this blog post because the post itself referenced spell casting (as a joke).  This means the odds are pretty high that this was left by some kind of internet spam bot.  If this was indeed the case then whoever created this spam should not be blocked but celebrated for indeed this has transcended spam and crossed over into art. ART!! 

If you got problems...

You know, when you have one it's really easy to take it for granted.  Sometimes it's easy to forget just how many problems are solved simply by having one.  Thankfully someone stuck this reminder on a roadsign!

Magic never fails. Even when it does..

Magic seems to be a pretty powerful force, provided you never actually test it.  I recently posted about the striking miners of the Marikana mine who believed that the magic of a medicine man would protect them from being harmed by guns.  This belief made them fearless, up to the tragic point they decided to test the magical protection by attacking the police.  As inevitably happens when someone tests magic, the magic failed and 34 people died.

So with the magical protection failing so spectacularly you would probably think that this medicine man was in a lot of trouble for the failure of his spells.  That would seem like the logical conclusion, but only if you have no prior experience with magical thinking. 

Magic never fails, even when it fails completely.  If your magic doesn't work, blame it on a bunny:

"Mineworkers at Lonmin's Marikana mine believe the killing of a rabbit was the reason the shooting happened, according to a report on Saturday.

The surviving mineworkers claimed that the medicine man who was alleged to have told them his muti would make them invincible had warned them not to kill the rabbit, the Saturday Star reported.

"The traditional healer warned all of us several times on the day not to kill the rabbit but some among us decided to chase it around the hill and killed it," mineworker Khabo Khabo told the newspaper.

"I still honestly believe that if it wasn't for the healer far more lives would have been lost on the day. If we had let the rabbit free all of the dead would still be alive," Khabo said.

A worker at the memorial service, held at the mine earlier this week, agreed.

Last Thursday, a total of 34 people were killed in a shooting near the mine when police tried to disperse striking miners. More than 70 people were injured.

The medicine man had reportedly promised the workers that police guns would malfunction when they faced them if they followed his instructions and took his muti.

Police video footage taken from a helicopter before the shooting showed the medicine man performing rituals as workers stripped naked before him in long queues.    "

This happens every damn time.

A deranged cult leader proclaims a date for the Rapture/Armageddon, the date passes completely uneventfully aaaand nothing happens to the deranged cult leader.  His followers swallow whatever lame excuse he comes up with, keep on supporting him and waits with mouths agape, ready to swallow the next doomsday prediction.

A charismatic faith healer/prosperity gospel preacher promises supernatural health and wealth and sick people stay sick (or get better because they went to a doctor PRAISE THE LORD!) and the only person who gets rich is the guy sending around the collection plate.  Does anyone call bullshit?  Never!  They accept his explanations that they just didn't have enough faith/didn't tithe enough/had unconfessed sin in their hearts and humbly try to believe harder and plonk down more cash in the collection plate.

So why expect anything different when the magical protection against bullets completely failed to do anything against bullets?  Of course they will put the blame on themselves (and the rabbit) because the magic man is NEVER to blame!

It's the perfect con.  You can make up anything you want, provided you do it convincingly enough, and people will damn near worship you.  You never have to worry about failure either, if your bullshit gets exposed bullshit your followers will just blame themselves.  Provided you can think up some kind of excuse!  Don't worry, it doesn't have to be a good excuse, it can be as dumb as the crap you're peddling!

I think I was wrong, magic is a powerful force regardless of whether you test it or not.  You can test a magical claim a hundred times and watch it fail a hundred times and those who buy into it will never accept that it's false.  Magic can't make you bulletproof but magical thinking has perfected the art of invulnerability!

Magical thinking leads to tragedy

Usually I like to make fun of the crazy claims the local witchdoctors make but I was reminded this week that what they do isn't always humorous.  Believing that a sangoma's magic can give you superpowers can be the death of you.

Last week, police opened fire of a group of striking mineworkers, killing 34 and wounding many more.  Now investigations into what exactly happened are still underway so details are still forthcoming and I'm certainly not going to try to defend the use of automatic rifles and live ammunition by the police.  However, belief in magic seems to have played a role in the tragedy.

According to this report:

Photo: Felix Dlangamandla

"Every morning, a group of men gathered on a hill on the outskirts of Nkaneng informal settlement near the Karee mine in Wonderkop.

There, under the instructions of a medicine man who allegedly hails from Eastern Cape, they stripped naked, stood in single file and waited for their turn to be sprinkled with herbs.

The medicine man used a razor blade on some of the men, making small incisions on their foreheads before smearing a black, gel-like potion on them.

These procedures, it is believed, were part of a process to prepare for battle to make the men invincible against the enemy.

There were stories doing the rounds that on Monday, mine security guards had tried to fire on the striking workers, only for their guns to jam as a result of the rituals conducted on the hill.

“That man over there is unbelievable,” said a young man in Setswana, referring to the medicine man behind the rituals on the hill.

“There are men who sleep on that hill at night. They never go back to the hostel or their homes. They say at night you can’t see anything there because that man has made the hill to be invisible at night.”"

So it would appear that these men fearlessly charged the police, armed with machetes, spears and other improvised weapons.  They feared no retaliation because they thought magic would make them invincible.  It did not.

Image by: Alon Skuy from The Times

This is why skepticism is important.  This is why debunking magical claims matters.  Believing in magic is not harmless and it's not something that should be left alone out of cultural sensitivity.  Believing in the unbelievable can get you killed.

If you can have anything, why do you have nothing?

The previous advertisement for magical services I posted was going to be the last one, I swear, but these things are just so amazing I have to share it again!

Isn't that amaaaaaaaaaaaazing?  I have to admit, I am confounded as to how Africa ever got colonized when the indigenous population had access to such INCREDIBLE MAGICAL POWERS!!!

Also, why am I not living in an Utopian paradise where everyone is rich and happy and has incredibly satisfying sex all the time and no one is evil?  If these things worked, that should be the case right?

Seriously, how are these people still in business?  How obviously wrong do you have to be before people stop giving you money?

Amazing Ancient Herbal Wisdom!

Usually I don't like to put ads on my blog but I think maybe this time I'll make an exception.  I was sitting at a sidewalk cafe in Johannesburg on Saturday when someone gave me this flyer.  I admit that I've always been baffled why people still flock to sangomas (witchdoctors to you ignoramuses out there) and herbalists when we have good, scientific, evidence-based medicine readily available to all.  Well suffice it to say, I get it now.  Surely no "doctor" with their "medicine" and "science" can offer you half of what these folks can offer you with their magic spells and herbs!

 

Can your doctor make sure you win in the casino while making you a well endowed sexual dynamo?  Didn't think so!

A little perspective

I saw this in my local news feed today and I just have to share it with all my friends in the northern hemisphere.  I know you all have many things you are rightfully upset about and for many of my readers, crazy religious people would be very high on that list.  Nevertheless I can't help but think this should put a lot of your issues into a new perspective.

"Malalane - A trial date is expected to be set on Thursday for 12 people arrested in connection with setting a pastor alight after accusing him of using a magic penis to sleep with women.

The nine men and three women, aged between 28 and 50 will appear in the Boschfontein periodical court in Mpumalanga on charges murder and arson.

The villagers, among them a community induna (headman), were  arrested on February 24 after Albert Malwane, a pastor of the Izwi Zion Christian Church, was burnt to death a day before.

Mpumalanga police spokesperson Leonard Hlathi said that Malwane had been dragged from his one-roomed house in the Etitandini informal settlement near Jeppes Reef south of Malalane and taken to a hill, where he was set alight.

Malwane's house was also burnt and his wife and daughter went into hiding.

Community members had accused him of talking to animals and using an invisible penis to sleep with women in the informal settlement.

They also accused his wife of turning into a snail and terrorising the community.

The villagers also complained that Malwane's family had used muti to make then sick after Malwane's death.

One of the accused had to be carried into the Boschfontein periodical court when the 12 appeared in court on April 8.

Timothy Malwane, the father of the deceased, believes a curse was released at the pastor’s funeral.

The 12 accused have not been asked to plea"

I swear I didn't make up a word of that.  Everything from the pastor with the magic penis to his wife the terror snail is verbatim from the report.

School boards wanting creationism in the syllabus and such, just don't look the way it used to, does it?