The Racist Hole

So it seems everyone's talking about racism these days.  Some are talking about how it's a problem, others are claiming the only problem is that people are still talking about it!  Now I'm going to take a somewhat controversial step here and say that racism is a BAD THING.  Furthermore it's a bad thing THAT EXISTS (whether you want it to or not).  Therefore we should talk about it, even if it makes us uncomfortable.  Bad things that exist do not stop existing when you stop talking about them.  In fact, they tend to thrive in the dark.

OK so maybe now you're thinking "Yay! Another lecture about race!" or maybe "Yay! Another white guy is finally online to explain to everyone how racism works!" but rest assured that is not my area of expertise.  I'm not here to even pretend I know what people of colour go through or how much systemic discrimination can hurt.  I don't have vast qualifications in the area and I'm not here to heal centuries of damage done by racism both overt and subtle.  No, I'm here to talk about race as a reformed racist.  This isn't going to be for everyone.  If you don't think you've ever been racist then you're probably not going to find anything of worth here.  If you're racist and happy with that then I doubt you're going to like anything that follows either.  However if you do know in your heart that you can sometimes be racist and you really dislike that about yourself then maybe my story can help a little bit.

I don't know what your story is or how you came to be you but I used to be racist because I was raised in a small town in Apartheid era South Africa.  Racism was pretty much our way of life.  Growing up, I didn't even consider the names we had for other races to be insults or racial slurs, they were just the names you used to refer to other races.  It's not like we were having big evil meetings and planning to how to make other races miserable, growing up, that was just the only way I knew how to see the world.  OK sure, I had an uncle who ran a whites only resort till way after that stopped being considered OK in this country and who proudly framed the newspaper article on the Indian family he turned away but we weren't all like that.  My parents were pretty liberal all things considered.  Growing up I just thought we were in charge of all the other races for their own good.  Eventually though, Apartheid ended and it was right around the time I was finishing school and had to go away to study in the big city where I finally got to meet and live with other races and that's where things started to change for me.

But this is not the story of how I stopped being racist, I'm just telling you all this so you know where I came from.  I was racist through and through and I saw no problem with it.  Now I do and I try not to be.  Your story may be less severe than that but hopefully you can relate at least somewhat.

OK so with all that out the way I hope you didn't stick around for the secret of how to be cured of racism forever because I can't give you that.  Believe me, if it was possible to make racism disappear through the sheer power of wishing really hard and declaring it to be so then there would be negative amounts of racism in South Africa at this point!  So no, I can't offer you a cure because there isn't one.  Racism - especially if it's something that got deep inside you at a young age - is not like a disease you can just be cured of, it's going to be a part of you for as long as you live.  You can be fine for long periods but every once in a while you're going to get mad and suddenly find a racial slur on the tip of your tongue.  Or you'll be watching the news and see something upsetting and before you even realise it you're saying something not about "that person who did that bad thing" but instead talk about "those people".  Or maybe you won't even be mad, you'll be in a great mood and without thinking make an assumption about someone that is just a horrible stereotype and say something hurtful.  It sneaks up on you.  It's subtle and even with the best of intentions it's going to surface from time to time.

So no, racism is not like a disease or at least not a disease you can take a cure for.  Being racist (while wanting to do better) is more like being on a life long boat journey and your boat has a hole in it.  Often things are going to go fine but every now and again you'll find that something starts leaking through the hole.

So here is my advice, do with it what you will.  Accept that the hole exist, no good comes from pretending it doesn't.   I know it can be more comforting to tell yourself there is no hole and that you're whole and that everything is fine but that's not helping anyone.  Check for leaks often.  When the leaks happen - and they will, don't kid yourself - then stop, clear it out and continue on your journey.  Eventually you may be so good at spotting leaks that you have to spend very little time bailing.  Maybe that never happens and maybe for you this will always be work.  Just remember, it's not a disaster until you decide to give up.  The hole is bad, don't let it fill up your boat.  Facing it head on is hard work but you grow into a better person by doing it.  This is a good work, do not tire of it.

Shut up and listen

Have you heard about those students who came up with the date rape drug detecting nail polish?

When I first saw this news making the rounds on social media I thought it was awesome news!  Unlike a certain locally invented product, this can actually prevent rape from ever taking place so surely this would be good news for everyone (except rapists).  So I was more than a little bit surprised when I saw that a lot of people were actually very unhappy with this development and they weren't rapists, they were my feminist friends!

They were arguing that once again this "solution" ignores the real problem - the rapists - and instead adds yet another weight to the already massive burden we place on women to prevent their own rapes.  Now added to: don't go out alone, don't wear a mini skirt, don't flirt, don't drink too much & don't get separated from your friends we are adding "wear date rape detecting nail polish".  This makes not getting raped the woman's problem and does nothing to stop guys from being rapists.

Now my first response to that was to say, "You know what? I get it!  Teaching about consent should be a prominent part of sex ed and guys need to be taught that sleeping with a girl too drunk to know her own name is not sex but rape, etc BUT those are all long term strategies and this nail polish can help someone right now.  Why can't it all be part of a multi-pronged approach to ending instances of rape?"

But then I went to breakfast.

While waiting for my food I couldn't help but overhear the table next to me talking.  So one young lady at the table seems to be some kind of traveling salesperson, not sure for what and she was telling a story of something that recently happened to her.  She had an appointment with a guy living on a homestead just a bit outside of the city.  When she arrived the guy asked her if she wanted a cooldrink which she declined.  He then became very insistent that she have a drink but she kept on refusing and eventually he said he was going to get himself a drink and she should have one with him.  After clearly hearing him stirring something in the kitchen he returns with one glass and claimed that he had his drink in the kitchen and she should have her drink now.  She still refused and quickly became aware that he had no interest at all in whatever she was selling and was just focused on her drinking her drink.  So she left and now got to tell this as one of those "a funny thing happened to me on the job the other day" stories and not the obvious horror story it almost was.  No, scratch that, it was still a horror story, I was horrified just eavesdropping!  But to her, and I assume her friends at the table, this was just one of those things that happens and you have to deal with.

That's when it hit me.  The truth was that no, I did not actually "get it".  I don't know what life is like for women.  I can't.  Their experience of this world is at time completely alien to mine.  And this goes way beyond that.  There are social, racial and political realities I do not and cannot experience.  Why then do I feel the need to say, "Look guys I may have no experience of your problem but I'm a smart guy so shut up and listen to me while I hand down the solutions to all your problems"?  That sort of thing really makes someone seem like a huge asshole, even if those aren't the exact words used.  I think we all do it sometimes and we probably don't even mean it that way but that is kind of what it sounds like.  At least that's what it sounds like to me whenever the roles are reversed.

So maybe the answer is to not be so quick to give my 2 cents in every single matter.  Maybe the best thing would be for me to shut up and listen.  Really listen, not just wait for an opening to step in and unveil my solution.  After all, even if I'm right, why should anyone give me the time of day if I'm not willing to make a real effort to understand where they're coming from?

Look, I'm not saying you should never get to speak your mind or have an opinion.  But seriously, if you feel the need to always have your opinion heard, valued and admired in every situation regardless of how well informed you are then what kind of person does that make you?

The Privilege Superpower

Lately the subject of privilege (especially white privilege) has been been generating a lot of discussion.  There was the ivy league kid who wrote an essay on it that went viral which in turn generated a lot of smart responses from smart people. Now since I have both very liberal and very conservative people in my FB news feed I get to read a whole lot about the subject of privilege.  Some insist it's real, others insist it's a myth and some feel hurt at the very mention of privilege, taking it as a personal insult.
 

and then some of it is conspiratorial to the point of racism

Clearly there are a lot of misconceptions regarding the idea of privilege.  I don't claim to be an expert, I still have a lot to learn but I do know enough to know that a lot of what people seem to hate about it is completely mistaken. Privilege is not so much an insult as a fact of life.  It's not something you're supposed to feel guilty about or apologize for and it definitely doesn't mean you didn't work to get where you are and that you got everything in life for free.  Let's look at it in a completely different way, maybe that will make it clearer:

Imagine you are living in a comic book universe.  You are still you but you share this planet with the like of Superman, Green Lantern and the rest of the Justice League (or Spiderman, the X-men and the Avengers if you prefer).  You are a human but they are SUPERhuman.  How would you feel about that?  Would you demand that Superman apologize for being born on Krypton?  Would you want him to feel guilty for his ability to be faster than a speeding bullet?  I'm guessing you won't.  I know I wouldn't mind them because while they have abilities I don't, they use those abilities to do good things.



But say there was this apple orchard that advertised a free apple picking day.  Gates open at 8 AM and you get to keep all the delicious apples you pick.  So you show up at 7 but find that Superman and The Flash are also in line and the second the gate opens they run in at super speed and pick all the apples in a nanosecond.  Would you be OK with that?  How would you feel if you confronted Superman about the ton of apples he was carrying out and he said "Well I just picked apples as fast as I could with my friend here, why didn't you do the same?"?  That would be a dick move, wouldn't it?

OK!  Now you understand privilege!

See, we don't live in a comic book universe but we still have a world where some people have superpowers.  Sure they're not as spectacular as being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound but they are real and they do offer real advantages.  Let's take a very easy one that's easy to overlook - having parents that are alive and who love you (and for the sake of this example live above the poverty line and have disposable income).  Now that will most certainly make your childhood a lot easier than those who either do not have parents or those who have parents that are around but are indifferent or abusive.  But it doesn't stop there though, this is a superpower that can empower you for years.  If this is a superpower you have then you probably have help getting through college and you don't have to clear the hurdle of doing it all by yourself.  Of course you're still going to have to study and work hard to get through it, no one is trying to deny that, but you have people in your corner who are supporting you in every way they can, emotionally and financially.  Then when you are done with college this gives you the power to start a business in your parents' garage (because you have parents and they have a garage).  Or maybe you don't, maybe you go out there and try things your own way and you get to, because if you over reach and it all comes crashing down then you have a place to go back to.  The superpower of parents means you are never going to be in freefall all the way to the gutter, you have a home to go back to and regroup (free of charge).  It may be humbling, it may be downright humiliating but it's a damn sight better than ending up on the street.  But maybe you don't start a business, maybe you get married instead and that marriage turns bad.  Having parents that would take you in can make all the difference in the world.  You don't have to stay in an abusive relationship because your options are not stay or starve.  You have parents, you have a safety net, you have a superpower.  It's not something to be ashamed of and it's most certainly not something to apologize for but surely you can see that this is an advantage to have?  Fact is, not everyone has this advantage.

That is how privilege works.  It's not about getting everything for free, it's about having less hurdles to clear in the game of life.  You still have to work, you will still have to overcome, but you have certain superpowers to help you out.  Imagine your life as it is and as an able bodied person.  Now imagine how your life would have been if you had been born disabled.  Still the same life or would the road to getting where you are now have been much harder?  Having sight or hearing or the use of your limbs don't seem like much when you've always had them but they allow you a certain level of ease in life that you don't even realize.  Sometimes the superpower you have can even be as simple as the ability to fit in.  When you belong to a racial group or a gender or a sexual orientation or a religion that is different from the majority of people around you then fitting in is harder while fitting in perfectly just streamlines your voyage through life.  Not very spectacular I know but not even having to consider the obstacles others have to overcome just to be on the same playing field as you is pretty much a superpower if you think about it.

So what then do you do about this superpower?  Well if you have one or more superpowers the good news is that you don't have to feel guilty about it!  Not at all!  You don't have to apologize either!  Rather, be like those in the comics who have superpowers and use your superpowers for good.  Great news!  Using the superpower of privilege doesn't require you to fight giant robots or monsters from outer space.  You don't need to go save anyone.  Through the simple act of acknowledging your own privilege superpowers and noticing how that changes your world as opposed to those who do not have them can be a pretty radical act.  In our world some voices carry more weight than others.  You don't need to swoop in like a mighty hero and speak on their behalf, just give those voices space to be heard.

But fine if you don't want to do that then at the very very very least, don't be a ass about it.  Don't be like Superman and Flash at the apple orchard and pretend like the playing field is equal and that everyone else in the world can do what you did if they just weren't so damn lazy.  Seriously guys, don't do that.  It's a dick move, don't do it.  You (probably) have (some) superpowers in life in and if you're not going to use it to help then at least acknowledge the fact that you have them and have some compassion for those who do not.

But whatever you do, PLEASE do not use your superpowers to oppress those who do not share them.  That makes you a supervillain.  Don't be an asshole but especially don't be a supervillain.

Different Worlds

Men and women live in different worlds.  I'm not referring to that Mars/Venus thing, that's bullshit.  We are all on the same planet, we're just not entirely in the same world.  I'll let Louis CK explain.



See that was funny but also sad, because it's true.  I'm sorry to say it took me way longer to catch on to that than it should have.  I remember what finally opened my eyes.  I forget who said it but I read that what men fear most from the opposite sex is getting laughed at, while what women fear from the opposite sex is getting raped or killed.  I read that and it hit me like a lightning bolt.  I don't live in the same world women live in.  I can walk down the same street as a woman but our experience of it can be so different we may as well be in two different places.  I'm a big, scary looking guy so when I walk down the street people leave me alone.  No matter where I go or what time I go there, at most I might worry about getting my wallet stolen.  I never have to worry about getting raped* or cornered by someone who won't stop hassling me and I most certainly never have to worry about total strangers throwing lewd comments my way.  No woman has that luxury.  We can share the same space and time but we do not share the same experience.

I'm a guy, so I live a privileged life.  I'm privileged because I never even have to think about any of that stuff.  My life is just easier than hers by default when it comes to this.  To me, a guy hitting on me on the bus is a funny story I can blog about.  For a woman, being stuck in a crowded metal tube with a guy that won't take a hint can be anything but funny.

So now what?  What do I do after coming to this realization?  Well, truth be told I don't have it all figured out just yet.  I do think reminding myself of this reality is necessary so I don't unthinkingly belittle those who experience this world differently from me.  I try to be more considerate of their experience.  I try to just be more considerate in general.

For instance, this week I was walking to the store as I usually do.  My route takes me along this big vacant lot.  It's a quiet little side street bordered by this overgrown field with nothing in it but long grass and two horses and it stretches for almost an entire block.  Anyway on this occasion I noticed there was a teenage girl a couple of meters ahead of me.  Didn't pay her any mind, I was listening to my iPod and planning my purchases for dinner, but I did realize after a few minutes that she kept glancing over her shoulder and walking as fast as she possibly could.  Now I could have just rolled my eyes and called her silly for acting that way because I'm a nice guy and I wasn't going to do anything to her and how dare she treat me like a potential rapist?  But I didn't do any of that.  This is South Africa, really terrible things happen to young girls in vacant lots all the time.  She had every right to be wary of me.  So I slowed my pace, crossed the street and hoped that would make her feel a little bit safer.  I don't know if it did.  I don't know if it was the best course of action.  All I know is that it was certainly better than doing nothing and it really cost me nothing at all.

I know I can't change the world.  I know I can't undo an epidemic of violence against women as old as our species.  But I have to do something.  I have to try.  Even if I don't know exactly what to do yet, at least I can try to be more accommodating and compassionate.  Anything, no matter how small must be better than living blinded by privilege and doing nothing at all.

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*Yes, I know men get raped too.  Not denying that.  I'm just saying that getting raped is quite literally the furthest thing from my mind if I walk into a dark parking structure.

Hungry Hungry Altars (are why you should smash them)

 
In the beginning there was a world we did not understand.  It was full of strange and terrifying mysteries and humans being what they are, we just couldn't bear it.  So we invented the gods to explain to ourselves why the sun appeared and disappeared, why the seasons came and went and so on.  But that wasn't good enough either because we don't just crave reasons we also crave control.  So we decided to bargain with the gods we made in order to try and bend the universe to our will and so the altar was born.  It was simple enough, we scratch a god's back by setting something on fire and the god does us a solid some time later.  It's a simple concept and it's easy to see how we got there but since it was based on an erroneous assumption, it also turned out to be one of the worst our species ever had.

Since the gods weren't real, the altars did nothing.  But people being what they are, they could not accept this.  If sacrificing your crops did nothing then it couldn't be because there is no god to accept your sacrifice, it has to be because you were supposed to give more.  So you sacrifice more.  You sacrifice better.  And if your crops and livestock cannot work then you give things even more precious - flesh, blood, even if it belongs to your children.

Altars are hungry.  Very hungry.  In fact they are downright insatiable.  If you let them, they will take everything you have to give.  They will take everything, give nothing and still demand more.  Altars are very bad things.

"So they took the bull given them and prepared it.  Then they called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. “Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they danced around the altar they had made.
At noon Elijah began to taunt them. “Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.” So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice. But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention."

Which brings me to the recent US elections and the way the conservatives behaved.  Now I'm not saying they had any literal altars to any pagan gods but they certainly behaved as if they did.  They had a demanding yet impotent god, a host of prophets and priests calling for more sacrifices and of course, they ended up with the inevitable failure of this god to deliver what his prophets promised.

I realise that all this talk of failed, impotent gods must be deeply offensive to American Conservatives.  After all, they are the ones who worship the One True God - the Christian God - and not only do they worship Him, they worship Him more truly than all others.  They don't pick and choose what to hold as sacred, they simply follow His inerrant Word, unlike some people who also claim to be Christians.  In fact, Conservative Christianity is the only Christianity.  Liberals are just fooling themselves.  Or so I'm told.  Respectfully, I have to disagree.  When the most far right wing fundamentalist elements took prominence in the party it became very clear that their god looked nothing like the Jesus of Scripture.

Bible Jesus was primarily concerned with the poor and the helpless members of society.  Conservative Jesus considers those people parasites who are just too damn lazy to lift themselves up by their bootstraps.  Unlike Bible Jesus, Conservative Jesus thinks the best thing to do for the poor is to give them no help at all, since that should motivate them to do better in life.  Conservative Jesus is primarily concerned with abortion, gays and women's reproductive rights - all things Bible Jesus was completely silent about.  While Bible Jesus had deep compassion for the sick, especially when they were too poor to get treatment from doctors, Conservative Jesus thinks that helping poor people have affordable access to medical help makes you worse than Hitler.  Bible Jesus had compassion for the imprisoned, Conservative Jesus thinks we should imprison more people for longer.  Conservative Jesus thinks government is a great evil that needs to be opposed at every turn while Bible Jesus (and the rest of the Bible) preached obedience to the government - all governments, even the bad ones.  I can keep going but I think this should be enough to make the case that Bible Jesus and Conservative Jesus cannot be the same person.  Conservative Jesus is pretty much the opposite of the Jesus of the Bible.  Clearly this is not the same god.  I'm kind of partial to calling him Bizarro Jesus but you could always use his more traditional name: Anti-Christ.  He is a god created in the image of those who worship him.  He loves who they love and hate who they hate.  Call him whatever you like, he was raised up on the Republican platform and a hell of a lot of sacrifices were made unto him.

I think compassion was sacrificed first - for the foreign, the stranger, women, gays, the poor, the "urban".  Soon after that went love for the neighbour, especially if the neighbour was in any way "other".  Before too long, reality itself was placed on the altar along with truth and reason.  Science, facts, figures, statistics - none of these were safe from sacrifice.  One by one the sacrifices were lined up and the candidates all fell in line to praise this god and seek his favour.  No position was to extreme, no sacrifice to great.  All who disagreed were swiftly dispatched.

As a quick aside yes, I realise there are conservatives who do not worship this god.  They may even be the majority.  If so, shame on you.  Don't balk at comparisons to the Bachmans and Santorums in the movement.  Where were you and your moderate opinions when the primaries were going on?  If you stayed silent while the extremist fringes took over the movement then you have no one to blame but yourself.

So then, the sacrifices were made and the prophets of this god swore that this would ensure victory.  Problem was that this god was as powerless as he is mean.  Those sacrifices were all in vain and it left you with less.  Well less good things anyway, since those were the first things to go on the altar.  There still seems to be plenty of hate and anger and fear left.  In fact that's what prompted this post, the reactions from conservatives I saw on Facebook.  It's one thing to oppose the other party but I'm not seeing opposition, I'm seeing naked, seething hate for anyone who voted differently.  People are talking about revolution and bloodshed, they're talking about abandoning their motherland and telling each other scary stories about the coming apocalypse.  I see lots of slander for those who disagreed, which makes sense since understanding and empathy found its way  to the altar early on.  This is very bad.  For all of you.

So what to do now?  Well they could do what people with altars have always done.  They can assume that the fault lies not with the altar but with them, that they simply did not try hard enough, that they should have given more.  They could increase the fearmongering, they can up the attacks on reproductive rights and marriage equality.  They could shut themselves off from the reality of the world around them with even more resolve and pretend that the winds of change are not blowing.  They could keep fanning the flames of division, telling more scary stories about everyone who is "other" and insist that there are dark conspiracies everywhere.  Basically they could decide that the problem was not that their strategy was built on anger and fear but that it wasn't built on enough anger and fear.  The less the results the more they can do what they've always done.  More more more on the altar, always more.  That is after all how people with altars tend to behave.

Though not always.  Some people realized that the futility of it all and smashed their altars to bits.  I hope conservatives choose this course.  I hope they realize that to keep doing the same thing but expecting different results is madness.  I hope they choose to face reality.

No political movement is perfect and no party has all the answers.  A healthy democracy needs a healthy opposition in government (healthy being the key word here).  Blindly opposing everything the other guy does on principle is not healthy at all. But can conservatives be a healthy opposition party?  Only time will tell.  A lack of altars to bad ideas would be a great place to start though...

Things that are and are not cake

Do you love cake?  Silly question, everyone loves cake!  Cake is delicious!  So I'm sure we would all love a world with even more cake in it.  Unfortunately some people love cake just a little too much.  So much in fact that they start seeing things as cake when they're not, kind of like a hungry cartoon character.  Seeing cake where there isn't cake can lead to someone saying making very stupid statements!  So as someone who loves cake but hates stupid statements I'm offering this brief guide to things that are and are not cake.  I hope this helps.

This is a chocolate cake.  Chocolate cake contains cake ingredients (which can differ a lot, trust me) and is almost always delicious.  Chocolate cake is most certainly cake.  Take a moment to look at the cake just to remind yourself what cake is.  OK, now to things that are not cake.

Marriage on the other hand is NOT cake.  I know, it should be obvious but believe me there seems to be some confusion.  Some folks out there are objecting to same sex marriage and claiming it will destroy traditional marriage.  These folks are obviously confusing marriage with cake.  If you have cake and you let someone else have cake then there will be less cake for you.  They may be so hungry that they take it all and then there is no cake left for you.  Marriage is not like that.  You can let other people have all the marriage they want and there will still be marriage left over for you and your children and your children's children!  Marriage, unlike cake, does not run out when you share it.  You can have your delicious marriage and so can everyone else!

Hearts are also not cake.  This can get confusing because you do get heart shaped cakes, I get that.  However the human heart is not cake.  They say you are what you eat but I don't think they mean that literally, so even on an all cake diet your heart will never become cake.  I see many Christian dating advice columns telling young girls not to "give pieces of their heart away" because that will prevent them from committing to their future spouses with their whole hearts.  Clearly this advice is not based on how hearts actually work but was mistakenly based on how cake works.  Cake has pieces and if you give someone a piece you never get it back.  (And if you do then eeuww! )  Hearts are not like this at all!  You can give someone your heart and they can break it into a million pieces and yet somehow you will manage to give that same heart to someone else and it can be amazing like the previous heartbreak(s) never even happened.  Hearts can be healed, cakes cannot.

Love is also not cake.  Cake is finite.  If you give someone most of the cake there is very little cake left to give to someone else.  But not love.  You'd be surprised how much love you can give and still have love left over.  But perhaps the good folks who write these Christian advice columns for young ladies do not have children.  Or parents.  If they did they may have noticed that someone can give one person a LOT of love and still give a LOT of love left over for all their other children, their significant other and pets and even other people outside of the family!  Love can mysteriously be almost bottomless.  Cake, not so much.  I won't lie though, bottomless cake sounds fantastic though!

People are also not like cake.  If you let people partake of your cake then that cake will never be whole again.  People in the Purity Culture seem to think that people are like cake in this way.  That is why they tell young men and women make sure they save the entire cake for someone special otherwise their someone special will not enjoy the cake.  Sadly that may even be true for some people but really it's a giant misunderstanding.  People are not cake!  If you share yourself with someone you will not be less of a person.  There won't be anything missing from you.  You will not be in any way "ruined".  That is how cakes work, but people are not cakes.  I can't stress this enough.

Overdosing on cake can be hilarious though!  Go read Allie's cake story here

Some things are like cake though even though (strictly speaking) they are not cake.  Power for instance.  Power is like cake.  If you let someone else have some of your power then there really will be less of it for you.  Privilege is also like cake.  If you used to have a lot and then someone else takes a piece then your privilege may seem less delicious.  But guys, too much cake is bad for you, no joke.  If you have all the cake all the time you will get bloated and sick and people won't want to be around you.  What is true for cake is also true for things that are like cake, believe it or not!  Having all the power and all the privilege all the time is also very bad for you.  You won't think so because it's also delicious so you will just want more and more but don't do it!  You're better off not having it all.  You are also better off sharing it.  Power and privilege is just like cake in that way too.  If you share it, there will be less for you but people will like you more.

And now if you'll excuse me I'm in the mood for delicious cake!