Friday, May 20, 2011

A Maff Proposal

You know what I really hate about tomorrow's (soon to be failed) Rapture prediction?  Well, lots of things really but one of the things that peeve me the most is when someone asks me how Mr Camping got to his Rapture date and I have to reply "he used some weird bullshit math".  Just saying that leaves a sour taste in my mouth.  I like math.  To see it used like this is like watching someone play tennis with a Faberge Egg!  Nevertheless that's what he claims, the Wiki on it even calls it "mathematically-based prophecies".  If you enjoy math on any level you should find that implication offensive!  I mean just look at his "math":

"As early as 1970, Camping dated the Great Flood to 4990 BC.Taking the prediction in Genesis 7:4 ("Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth") to be a prediction of the end of the world, and combining it with 2 Peter 3:8 ("With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day"), Camping concludes that the end of the world will occur in 2011, 7000 years from 4990 BC.[6] Camping takes the 17th day of the second month mentioned in Genesis 7:11 to be the 21st May, and hence predicts the rapture to occur on this date.

Another argument that Camping uses in favor of the May 21st date is as follows:
According to Camping, the number five equals "atonement", the number ten equals "completeness", and the number seventeen equals "heaven".
    Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
    If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
    The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
    51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
    (5 × 10 × 17)2 or (atonement × completeness × heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

Thus, Camping concludes that 5 × 10 × 17 is telling us a "story from the time Christ made payment for our sins until we're completely saved."" 

How is that even remotely "mathematically-based"?  He's clearly making shit up as he goes along!  So I propose we find a different word for this kind of travesty.  I had this conversation with my cousin the other day and he suggested we call it "Maff".  It sounds like "math" except pronounced by a really stupid person - which sums it up nicely I think.  Whenever someone uses numerology and gives imaginary significance to certain numbers in order to make up a bullshit formula to come to a ridiculous conclusion (end of the world, aliens landing or whatever) they are doing maff, not math.

So how about it?  Sound reasonable to you?  Then please try and work it into conversation so it can get into common usage.  That way people can start saying "Harold Camping uses maff based prophecies" and I would be OK with that because that would be true.  Lets keep mathematics unsullied by lunatics please!


GumbyTheCat said...

"Maff" also has the advantage of rhyming with "laugh", which is entirely appropriate!

Hey, enjoy your 6 PM earthquake tomorrow, and watch out for the Thessalonian Zombies!

GumbyTheCat said...

a present for you!

Eugene said...

How did you even find that??

GumbyTheCat said...

You know, I can't even remember now. It was a link embedded in one of the endless articles I've been checking out about Camping lately.