Sunday, May 15, 2011

Debunking Dr Davidson's Cure-All

I have a product to sell you.  You simply plug it into any wall socket and it maintains your house for you.  Your lightbulbs won't burn out, your drains won't get clogged, there won't be any shorts in the house's wiring and the roof will stop leaking and the paint won't peel ever again.  Best of all, your appliances won't break down anymore, your door hinges won't squeak and you will never have to defrost your fridge again!  There is even anecdotal evidence that it will stop food from burning on your stove!  Interested?

Before you answer, check out this other product I have.  You add one can to your car's oil tank and it will totally keep your car healthy!  You'll get better mileage, your tires won't run down, the wiper blades won't crack, the battery will never go flat and the engine will never get flooded or overheat!  Not only that but the windscreen would be protected against cracks, chips and misting up!  Best of all, your radio will always have crystal clear reception!  Want to buy it?

Well I'm hoping* you answered, "Yes I would love to have those products (who wouldn't?!) but there is no way you can sell me something like that because such things cannot possibly exist!  Cars/homes are complex entities with a wide variety of mechanical, electrical and chemical systems - there is no way in unholy Hades that one product could take care of all of those things!"  And you would be completely right, there is no way such a product could exist.  You don't have to be a rocket surgeon to see that such claims are total bullshit, surely anyone who read that, realized I was full of shit*!

Yes, anyone can and should be able to see that such products for your car and home are impossible and yet every Sunday I open my paper to find a dozen adds advertising magnetic armbands and herbal teas and many other products promising to magically heal every single ailment the human body could have.  The people selling these magic potions and talismans obviously make enough money to buy full colour ads in a major Sunday newspaper so I have to assume people are buying what they are selling.  Even though the human body is far more sophisticated and complex than your home or your car could ever be.  Yet somehow we are willing to still believe that ONE product can fix EVERYTHING.  Even though people really should know better.

*If you actually believed me, congratulations.  You singlehandedly caused a total collapse of my faith in mankind.  I hope you are proud of yourself.  When I set someone's cat on fire due to the total mental breakdown you caused me, it will be all your fault.  You will have to live with that knowledge forever.  How do you sleep at night??


GumbyTheCat said...

My favorite is the one where guys in white collars try to sell you an eternity in paradise for simply thinking the 'correct' way. I actually fell for that many years ago. [music="who" Won't get fooled again! /music]

Eugene said...

One of these things is not like the other...

GumbyTheCat said...

Well it's all the same to me... products having supposedly miraculous qualities that in reality don't have anything but the promises attached to them.