The end is never as nigh as you think it is, Part 2: Electric Boogaloo

When people fail to learn from history it's usually because the lesson they were supposed to learn happened a very long time ago.  This could (and does) happen to almost all of us.  If on the other hand you fail to learn from history that happened just the other day, you must be a special kind of stupid.  There's really no excuse - excepting brain damage - to not learn a big history lesson that happened a couple of weeks ago.  And yet here we are, just a short while after Harold Camping's spectacularly failed Rapture predictions, with another "prophet" giving an exact date for the Rapture.

You would think people would learn.  You'd think no one would be that stupid.  You'd think they would wait at least a year or two after the last spectacular FAIL so people can forget about the last guy who tried it.  You'd think all of that but you'd be wrong.  In fact it turns out you will be about as wrong as any prediction for the Rapture's date will turn out to be, which experts agree is as wrong as humanly possible.

The new date on which the Rapture won't happen is 27 May 2012 so at least we won't have to wait long to point and laugh.  This time the prediction is being made by one Ronald Weinland, self described Prophet of the End Times and leader of a small Christian denomination called The Church of God – PKG (Preparing for the Kingdom of God).  Much like Harold Camping's little group, this is also a small group of believers who are convinced that they are the one true church of God.  The only reason I even know they exist is because recently I've been flooded by Google ads on every website I visit inviting me to find out more about this one true Christian church originally founded by the late Herbert Amstrong.  In case you're wondering how this date was calculated, you'll be happy to know that it's far more scientific than Camping's numerology and features far less maff.  As Weinland explains:

"January 7, 2012, is another important occurrence for the timing of God’s work and end-time events. This date is an important crossroad in time as it ends a prophetically historic portion of time in Daniel that consists of a prophetic measure of “time” and “times” that began after Trumpets of 2009.

January 8 of this year begins the final “half-a-time” of this full prophetic period known as “time, times, and half-a-time.” That day is the start of the final period of 140 days (half-a-time) that leads up to the very coming of the Messiah spoken of in those same prophecies of Daniel. This post will also address a newly revealed final fulfillment of the 70 weeks prophecy that has a dual fulfillment of both Christ’s first coming and his second coming.

The final “half-a-time” that begins January 8 will be the prophetic period when the Trumpets of Revelation will finally be heard (witnessed and seen) throughout this world, along with the Thunders of Revelation that will progressively escalate in a dramatic manner. The period of “time, times, and half-a-time” consists of seven segments of time (seven half-times). It can be likened to God’s plan covered in the weekly cycle of seven days and the 7,000 year plan where the last 1,000 years is when God takes control and gives mankind the ability to know His ways."

I believe the most apt response to this would be from the movie Happy Madison:  "what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul. "

Now you may wonder why I'm taking the time to point out one more insignificant group of religious nutbags who believe the world is ending.  The haven't been as vocal as some of the other groups so they are really easy to ignore.  Except for this:



That makes it impossible for me to ignore them.  When he threatened anyone who mocks him with cancer he pretty much forced me to mock him.  I grew up predominantly in the Pentecostal and Charismatic wings of Evangelical Christianity and I've seen this happen too many times to be OK with it.  Far too often, some charismatic gasbag will make ridiculous claims and/or demands in the church and then claim to be speaking on behalf of the Lord God Himself.  Therefore anyone who questions or criticizes is actually opposing God and will be dealt with harshly by the Allmighty.  If you weren't ever part of that subculture it may seem transparently ridiculous but trust me, it works better than you could ever imagine at making all dissenters submit to this so called "authority".  I used to be one of those.  I am not anymore.  So I'm calling Ronald out.  I think he is a false prophet, a fraud and a liar and if he's not then he can hit me with his best avada kedavra. I'll be right over here calling bullshit on his fake prophecy and feeling great doing it.

Look, I know that I'm a nobody with a small blog that pretty much no one actually reads.  But that is kind of the point.  Weindland and all the other spooky shamans of the world make all their followers cower with fear at their alleged authority from on high.  So if a nobody like me can challenge them without dire consequences from above that proves that these guys are just blowing smoke.  Besides, the somebodies of the world probably have better things to do with their time.  So, underachievers of the world unite!  If more of us can reveal to the followers of these charlatans that they are shooting blanks then soon they will lose all control they have over the minds and wallets of their flock.  Sometimes it takes a nobody to show that someone pretending to be someone is actually a nobody too.