Saturday, December 31, 2011

Eugene's fun night of blood and terror

Protip:  If you're taking advice from Insanity Wolf, your life has gone very wrong somehow.

If you are taking recommendations, I would recommend that you do not spend the last night of the year covered and blood and too worried to sleep.

First off, I'm OK, thanks for asking.  The blood wasn't mine.

Let me start from the beginning.  So last night (around 2 am) I'm happily sleeping like a drunk baby, snug between Suicide Dachshund and my big pillow when I'm rudely awakened by a loud and disturbing noise.  It was something to the effect of THUD! groan... *pause*, THUD! groan... *pause* THUD!  By the third THUD! I had gone from dreaming soundly in bed to being out the door in a hyper adrenaline state.  What had happened was that Oom Eddie (for reasons unknown) decided to exit his room at high speed in the dark and walked into his door face first.  This in turn set off a chain reaction of him trying to get up, losing his balance and falling again, then trying to get up again and slipping in the big pool of blood by his feet and hitting his face on the doorframe again.  I have no idea how long this cycle would have continued if I didn't run over to help him up.  Probably for the best that we didn't find out.  I don't see that playing out well in court:  "No your honour, I did not beat Mr Language to death.  He just slipped and fell.  Fourteen times!  No your Honour, I'm not trying to be funny..."

Anyway, so I helped him to the bathroom, stopped the bleeding, cleaned up the bloody floors and walls, got him back in bed, frantically googled "concussion symptoms" (srsly, how did anyone live pre-internet?), checked for a concussion and got him an ice cold coke (for the shock) and some headache tablets (for the pain).  Then I spent the rest of the morning worrying that I missed something concussion wise (because getting medical info off the net is risky, duh!) and worrying that perhaps giving him aspirin was a stupid thing to do because its a blood thinner and I had just stopped him from bleeding like a New Years Eve goat sacrifice.  To top it all off, I got an empathy headache and kept smelling blood even though I washed myself like Lady Macbeth and bleached the floors.  It occurs to me just now that I forgot to wash my feet and I did step in a lot of blood so I guess I'll be washing my bedding today too since that means I got back in bed with bloody feet.  Awesome.

Long story short, Oom Eddie seems to be fine apart from looking like he lost a knopkierie fight.  He's on his way to the doctor now to get his wounds looked at because one or more of those gashes are probably going to require stitches. 

On the bright side, provided there is no more bleeding of any kind tonight, things can only look up in the new year!


GumbyTheCat said...

Love the pic.

Well, that's one way to end a year I guess. Hopefully Oom Eddie makes a complete recovery. Happy New Year my friend.

Dasia said...

Pic is awesome. Cheers to a bloodless New Year!

Eugene said...

Thanks Gumby, thanks Dasia! Happy new year to you both!

Good news is that Oom Eddie is fine. He has a nasty goose egg above his eye and several stitches in a couple of places but no permanent damage! Doctor even gave him some good prescription painkillers so he's better than good right now.

I may tape some pillows to random things with sharp edges tonight though just to avoid any more drama!