Friday, June 8, 2012

Strange New Godview: Thug Jesus

Usually in this series on Godviews, I look at how someone acts or talks about God and then ask myself "so what does God look like to this guy?".  But not this time!  I didn't have to do any guessing because Pastor Mark Driscoll (from the other Mars Hill) pointed this out in so many words - his Jesus is a thug, a rapper, a badass mofo come to kick ass and chew bubblegum (and He's all out of bubblegum).  Behold:



Now Mark Driscoll is by no means the only one, this Godview is fast gaining popularity in certain churches.  Seems you can't throw a brick at a Men's Ministry without hitting a guy who is tired of the commonly held view that Jesus was some kind of pacifist wuss and would like very much to tell you how Jesus was in fact a super badass manly man!  See these guys know that the Church has a problem and they know how to fix it.


The problem?  The Church isn't the power player it used to be.  It doesn't call all the shots anymore, it doesn't get all the respect anymore and now people don't feel like they really have be there and give money all the time.  The reason for this?  Well duh, it's because there are too many women and not enough men!  Nevermind the fact that God and pretty much every major Biblical leader is male as well as the fact that leadership and ministry in most churches is almost exclusively male, the church is just not manly enough!  It's been feminized!  It turns men in to wusses!  Pew's are full of limp wristed "nice guys" with nary an MANLY MAN in sight!  Clearly this is the problem!  Churches have become too feminine!  And we all know that "feminine" is bad because it's weak and second best and if you don't agree you're probably queer!
How men are treated in church, basically.

So therefore the church needs to get into sports!  The church needs to get more warlike!  The time has come to kick out all that "turn the other cheek", "bless those who curse you" bullshit and get some MANLY damn sermons up in that bee-otch!  Stuff about MANLY MEN, like David and Moses and Samson!  Not weaklings like all those Apostles and early Christians running around getting martyred and shit.  That ain't manly!  Real men don't get martyred!  Real men have SWORDS!  And they could KICK YOUR ASS!  There should be so much manliness flying around, women should risk pregnancy just from breathing the air!  Five year olds should walk into the building and immediately hit puberty from all the testosterone in the church dammit!

So if you want your church to be the top dog again you need to up the testosterone!  Out with the Lamb, in with the Lion!  It's easy, all you have to do is throw out 26 of the 27 books of the New Testament and BAM!  You got a manly thug Jesus right there in Revelation*.  That will totally fix everything!  Wives will be submissive, children will be obedient and everyone will have a perfect sex life!  Not to mention how people will totally start streaming back in droves to a more manly church!  Because that's what's been the problem all alongObviously.

Once you put the women in their place EVERYTHING IS FIXED!


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*Just don't go too far into that book either because after the initial badassness, it's all "blah blah, Lamb who was slain" again...

4 comments:

Ali said...

Oh yes, good old misogyny! Or heteropatriarchy. Or enforcement of gender roles. Or all of the above, since they're all in the same box anyway.

MANLY SUPERMAN MAN JESUS! Because being gentle is for homos and queers!

I HATE THIS. I hate how big the church is on policing gender roles. There's no space for people to be people. When I was still going to church (and, not coincidentally, around the time I started wondering why I was still going to church), I spent so much time fuming about this. It's absolutely toxic.

I don't know whether I've linked you to this before, but check it out if you want some top quality rage:

http://godfirst.co.za/series/Sex%20in%20the%20City

The Biblical Manhood one (haha, "manhood") deals with exactly this sort of thing. And the gender role policing is absolutely jaw dropping.

Eugene said...

Thanks, I'll give it a listen! Was that your former church?

Eugene said...

Sheesh Ali, I thought we were friends! Why would you link me to something THAT disturbing?! I didn't even get around to the Biblical Manhood (*snicker*) one, I just picked one at random, the "I kissed a girl" one. Thought it was going to be about kissing but no, it was about gays. Probably the best example I've seen in quite a while of fundamentalism dressed up in a vintage t-shirt and hipster haircut. The logical fallacies! The terrible reasoning! Arrgggg!

GumbyTheCat said...

Jesus is a liberal. No wait, Jesus is a conservative.

Jesus is a Democrat. No wait, Jesus is a Republican.

Jesus is gentle and loving. Jesus is a machine gun toting badass.

Jesus was just a man. No wait, Jesus is the divine sone of God. No wait, Jesus IS God.

Jesus loves everybody. No wait, Jesus hates fags.

Face it Christians... Jesus is just an avatar for the worldview of every single believer.