Thursday, May 10, 2012

God of the Gaps - 300 BC Edition

Priest of Zeus:  "So, I heard you telling people that the Pantheon makes no sense to you and you don't believe in the Gods anymore, is that correct?"

Zeusnostic:  "That's true, the more I think about our theology the more it seems like stories people told to help them make sense of the world.  They seem childlike and cruel and I simply can't believe in them anymore.  I'm sure one day people will call our theology what it really is - mythology"

Priest of Zeus:  "How very dare you?!  These aren't stories!  It's all true and deep down you know it!  You're just pretending to be an unbeliever because you don't want to sacrifice your prize bull to Zeus, aren't you?"

Zeusnostic:  "No, that's not it.  I just don't see any reason to believe that this is true.  I mean do you actually believe that the King of the Gods turned into a swan to rape a girl?  That sounds like a loud of crap to me!"

Priest of Zeus:  "You blaspheme because you don't understand the nuances and sophistication of the art of theology!  Come to the temple sometime and we will explain it all to you.  "

Zeusnostic:  "I don't believe in the Pantheon because I see no reason to.  You priests tell a lot of crazy stories but I've never once actually seen any proof.  THAT is why I don't believe.  "

Priest of Zeus:  "Oh you want PROOF??  Well tell me this smart guy, those lightning bolts that struck the earth in last night's storm, what were they if not the work of Zeus?"

Zeusnostic:  "I... don't know"

Priest of Zeus:  "AHA!  See?  You don't know how lightning bolts work!  Obviously the only answer could be Zeus!"

Zeusnostic:  "Actually no, there could be a lot of answers.  It could be some Scandinavian deity with a hammer.."

Priest of Zeus:  "Preposterous!  There are no Scandinavian deities!"

Zeusnostic:  "... or it could be some kind of natural process.  But since it will still be many centuries before anyone figures out what electricity is and before anyone can prove that lightning is made of electricity there is no possible way I could explain that process to you now.  What I'm saying is just because I don't know doesn't mean your answer is then the correct one!"

Priest of Zeus:  "Yeah all I got from that paragraph was "I don't know ... your answer is the correct one""
Zeusnostic:  "Now you're just being an ..."

Priest of Apollo:  "What have we here?  A theological debate?  I do love those!"

Priest of Zeus:  "'Sup bro?  This guy says we have no proof of the existence of the Gods!  Can you believe that?"

Priest of Apollo:  "No way brah!  Tell me, if Apollo doesn't exist, who pulls the Sun across the sky every day?  Hmmmmm?"

ApolloZeusnostic:  "Like I was telling your friend here, I don't know but just because I don't have an answer doesn't mean your story about a sky chariot is automatically true!  For all we know the sun isn't moving at all!  Perhaps the earth rotates and it just makes it seem that way.  I know it sounds crazy and it will be centuries before people figure out the planet and gravity and stuff but ..."

Priest of Apollo:  "OK, now you're just embarrassing yourself!  Is it so hard to just admit the truth that is staring you in the face?  We have shown you all the proof you could want!  You on the other hand are just waffling around with your "science" but you haven't been able to give us an alternative explanation of how lightning or the sun works without the Gods.  That proves our point!  You just don't want to believe!"

Priest of Poseidon:  "Tide goes in, tide goes out, never misses a beat.  You can't explain that!"


GumbyTheCat said...

I use comparisons like this sometimes to show fundies how bizarre their beliefs are. It never works. Good post anyway! I can just direct them here from now on and save myself some typing.

Eugene said...

Thanks Gumby! Too bad I thought of the perfect last line just now:

"Priest of Poseidon: Tide goes in, tide goes out, you can't explain that!"

GumbyTheCat said...

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is perfect. Add it in!