Deep Madness

Pop quiz:  You call yourself a Bible believing Christian.  You belong to a mainstream evangelical church and you have strong conservative values.  You are a family values kind of person who knows their right wing from their wrong.  You love nothing more than Jesus, Capitalism and Patriotism (though not necessarily in that order).  Just to reiterate, you are not in a fringe sect of some kind at all and furthermore you are very insistent that you base all your morals and values on a literal reading of the Bible.  Now, lets say you – the conservative, Bible based Christian – come across certain things in the Bible that doesn’t quite mesh with your ideas about society and politics.  Do you:

a) Change your political and societal ideas in order to be in line with Biblical teaching
or
b) Rewrite the Bible so that it better reflects your opinions

If you chose option a then you must be some kind of liberal, left-wing, baby killing, tree hugging, freedom hating, Nazi communist.  Well you are as far as the fine folks over at Conservapeadia are concerned at least, because these good Christian folks have decided to save us all from all that “liberal bias” the Bible seems to be full of.  Instead they are publishing a new improved Bible with all that liberal hippie nonsense removed.  Here are some of the problems with the Bible that desperately need fixing according to the Conservative Bible Project:

“Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
Is this a liberal corruption of the original? This does not appear in any other Gospel, and the simple fact is that some of the persecutors of Jesus did know what they were doing. This quotation is a favorite of liberals but should not appear in a conservative Bible.”

"Socialistic terminology permeates English translations of the Bible, without justification. This improperly encourages the "social justice" movement among Christians.
For example, the conservative word "volunteer" is mentioned only once in the ESV, yet the socialistic word "comrade" is used three times, "laborer(s)" is used 13 times, "labored" 15 times, and "fellow" (as in "fellow worker") is used 55 times."

Makes sense doesn’t it?  You can’t have all these loopy ideas about forgiveness and fairness and caring for the poor and destitute in the feakin Bible!  I mean surely waarglh baraaghe laaagne graaahgelaht…

OK, I’m sorry but try as I might I can’t really hope to ridicule this.  I like to think of satire as weaponized laughter and normally it is perfect for defeating bat guano insane wackaloons like these but this has gone way too far.  When they came up with The Conservative Bible Project they shattered the WTF-barrier and didn’t even slow down.  It is so ridiculous that I honestly don't think it can be ridiculed.  It’s officially beyond satire as there is nothing left to exaggerate or mock.

Poe's Law states:
“Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing.”

Methinks it would be fair to say that Poe’s Law has been demonstrated beyond reasonable doubt here.  This seems like the kind of thing you would read in The Onion but alas, this is really happening and it’s no joke.  Actual Christians have actually gone this far off the reservation.  I have been trying to come up with words to joke about it for weeks now but after a while it all just becomes gibberish as the absurdity of it all overwhelms me.  So since words fail me, I’ll have to resort to posting a picture of my WTF face:

 I think what gets to me is the fact that these people would most probably proudly state that Protestant Christianity is superior to Catholic Christianity due to the doctrine of Sola Scriptura.  These are probably the same people who denounce Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses for trumping the Bible with secondary writings.  The hypocrisy of it all astounds me!  How irony deficient do you need to be in order to call yourself “Bible believing” while you are altering the Bible?  How oblivious do you have to be to claim with a straight face that you base your opinions on Scripture while you are changing Scripture to fit your opinions?

Darwin, Racism & Things that Don't Matter

Finding a Creationist argument against evolution that is filled with ignorance and completely out of touch with reality is like finding someone named John – if you can’t find it you must not be looking very hard.  Yet there is one Creationist argument that manages to surpass its peers.  It is more ignorant than the “evolution is just a theory” argument.  It’s more devoid of fact than the old receding moon argument*.  Yes, I am referring to the old “Darwin was a racist and so is evolution!1!1!!” argument.  Here is a fun recent example,  from a review of a new book called “DARWIN'S RACISTS - YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW” (no, I didn’t add the ALL CAPS, that was all them):

“DARWIN'S RACISTS - YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW exposes the real Charles Darwin: a racist, a bigot and 1800's naturalist whose legacy is mass murder. This well written book shows that Adolf Hitler, along with other genocidal mass murderers, was influenced by Darwin's half-baked Theory of Evolution. This book exposes Darwin's Theory of Evolution for what it is: an elitist and racist dogma that has infiltrated our every area of culture thereby undermining sense and sensibility.”

It would be hard for any other argument to fail this hard on so many levels.  Adding insults to ignorance is no way to win debates and this entire argument is utterly meaningless.  Let me count the ways.

It’s meaningless because it doesn’t matter if you like the facts.  Let’s pretend every single nasty thing the Discovery Institute, Ken Ham, Kent Hovind and all the rest ever said about Darwin and evolution leading to genocide and evil is 100% true.  In fact, let’s make up some more even worse things and let’s say they are true too.  So what?  Truth is not a democracy.  We don’t get to vote out our least favourite facts American Idol style.  Truth is truth, regardless of where it comes from or where it takes you.  Facts are facts no matter their implications. 

It’s meaningless because we don’t use scientific theories to determine our behaviour.  The Creationist insistence that exposing kids to evolution will turn them into raping, pillaging homicidal maniacs is about as out of touch with reality as you can get.  Do you stop thinking that your loved ones are special because atomic theory tells you they are just the same atoms, electrons (and lots of empty space) as everyone/everything else?  Do you push people down stairs because the theory of gravity compels you to?  Of course you don’t because that is ridiculous!  Scientific theories describe how the natural world functions and that is all they do.  They are descriptive, not prescriptive and therefore how we behave towards one another is on us, not the laws of nature. 

It’s meaningless because defaming the inventor does not defame the invention.  This is theological thinking at work – prove the prophet is a fraud and you render his message meaningless (See Swaggart & Haggard).  However while this may be the case in the field of ethics and morality, it hardly applies anywhere else.  If I could prove to you that the Wright brothers were paedophiles, would you stop flying?  If I could demonstrate beyond a shadow of doubt that the inventor of the wheel was a cannibal would you stop driving?  No?  Then why do they imagine that bigotry in Darwin’s life should be the silver bullet that kills the Theory of Evolution?  Many of our greatest scientists had some seriously kooky beliefs but we consistently don’t care because it’s irrelevant to their accomplishments.  Over here in the real world we don’t care that Newton stuck a needle in his eye just to see what would happen or that Tesla dreamed of death rays – their science stands independently of their eccentricities.

It’s meaningless because Darwin wasn’t the lord and king of racism.  If you listen to Creationists talk about Darwin you would swear the whole world was just filled with liberty, equality and brotherly love until he wrote The Origin of Species and ruined it for everybody.  The truth is that slavery, racism and bigotry was around for millennia by the time Darwin was born.  Darwin was not the evil racist he is made out to be, in fact he was very enlightened for his time - opposing slavery and treating people of all races with compassion.  The key words though being for his time.  Of course you can find racist statements by Darwin, he was a product of his time.  Look for instance at these words by a contemporary of Darwin:

“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races - that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.”

The person speaking here is none other than the great emancipator himself, Abraham Lincoln**.  See, while both Lincoln and Darwin were very liberal and enlightened for their time regarding race, we would still consider them incredibly racist.  It’s really pointless to go throwing around quotes by Darwin without considering the historical context of those words.

It’s meaningless because evolution did not influence Hitler.  I should probably just mention Godwin’s Law and move on, but since every Creationist ever seems the feel the need to connect Hitler to Darwin I feel I need to address this issue.  So then, here we go – you can’t blame Darwin for what Hitler did because:
- Hitler was not a fan of Darwin, in fact The Origin of Species was banned by the Nazis. 
- The only time Hitler ever used the word evolution in his book it was to refer to the development of political ideas in Germany.
- In Mein Kampf, while Hitler never mentions biological evolution, Darwin or eugenics he did in fact use God and Creationism as motivations for his ideas: “It is a sin against the will of the Eternal Creator if His most gifted beings by the hundreds and hundreds of thousands are allowed to degenerate in the present proletarian morass, while Hottentots and Zulu Kaffirs are trained for intellectual professions.”***
- Hitler didn’t need Darwin to whip the German people into a racist frenzy since anti-Semitism had been going strong in Europe for centuries (See Martin Luther’s fun little book “On the Jews and their lies”).
Seems to me like it’s a lot easier to make the case that Hitler was influenced by Christianity (just check out these Nazi artifacts) than to wangle a connection to Darwin!

It’s meaningless because racists always find reasons.  Hitler may have used the Christian faith to fuel his agenda but I don’t believe for a second that following Jesus turns you into a hatemongering anti-Semite.  It is as wrong to blame Christianity for Hitler as it is to blame Darwin.  Hitler did what he did because he was just that evil.  I believe he would have used the Grimm Brothers Fairy Tales to further his agenda if he believed it would have helped.  Racism will always find a justification.  I don’t doubt that you can find people out there who really do use evolution as an excuse for their racism.  However when I grew up under Apartheid it had the full backing not of Darwin but of the church.  Pretty much all the Christian churches from Reformed to Pentecostal supported the idea that segregation was God’s idea and to a lesser extent that black people were supposed to be subservient due to the curse of Ham.  Again, I say this not to show that Christianity = racism but instead that people will always find reasons to justify racism.  I believe you will find racism in some form all over the world and I bet that every culture finds really sensible sounding reasons to justify it.  It’s probably a remnant of our tribal days, this sense of our side is totally good and their side is  totally bad****.  But as we grew more civilized we found more civilized reasons for it.  Whether it’s science, religion, your upbringing, because you got mugged or because they bombed Pearl Harbour – if you are being racist, the odds are you will find a reason to make it all sound logical and sensible to your own ears.

It’s meaningless because evolution must be the worst possible reasoning for white supremacy.  There are plenty of reasons why evolution does not equal racism, but here is just one.  Creationists seem to think that the evolutionary term “survival of the fittest” means that only the strongest, fastest and smartest will survive and that it therefore implies an elitist, winner-takes-all mentality.  It does not.  In evolutionary terms, “fittest” means “best at having offspring”.  Now take a look at population growth statistics and tell me if you think white people are “fittest”...  Far from supporting evil behaviour, “survival of the fittest” tends to undermine it.  Altruism makes you “fit”, being a good parent makes you “fit” – basically all the things that are good for family and community increase our “fitness”.  Being genocidal does not.

However I guess in the end the most meaningless thing to do is to try and convince those who buy into this fallacy regarding Darwin and racism that they are wrong.  I’ve had this conversation too many times to still believe it makes an actual impression on anyone who has their mind made up.  Somehow the facts will always be irrelevant.  For some reason they will still expect the organ music to swell and the ladies to faint when they reveal that the full title of Darwin’s book is (...wait for it...) “On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life.”  Nevermind the fact that we already know that.  Nevermind the fact that the only reason we call it “The Origin of Species” or simply “The Origin” is because saying “On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life” everytime you mention it is ridiculous.  Nevermind the fact that if you actually read “On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life” you would see that “races” refer to varieties of plants and animals, not black, white and Asian.  No they will still whip out that title in debates as if it’s a clove of garlic and you’re a vampire.  Guess that us vs. them thing is stronger than we like to admit.  No wonder we have such a hard time getting rid of racism…



 *  If you ever watched one of Kent Hovind's videos you know he loves this argument.  He claims that since the moon is moving away from the earth, if you go back in time the moon would be closer and if you go back millions of years the moon would have been so close it would have been pretty much on the surface of the earth (he makes a lame joke about the dinosaurs getting "mooned to death") and therefore it proves the earth is 6000 years old. You have to wonder how much time Hovind spent working this out.  Just using a pocket calculator I found the following:
The moon recedes at 4 cm per year (4 cm = 0.00004 km)
Rewinding 4500000000 years = 180000 km closer to earth
On average, the distance between the Moon and the Earth is 384403 km
Therefore at a recession of 4 cm per year the earth would have been approximately 204403 km away from the earth 4,5 billion years ago.  Science - It works, bitches!!

** Source: ABRAHAM LINCOLN, fourth debate with Senator Stephen A. Douglas, Charleston, Illinois, September 18, 1858.The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln, ed. Roy P. Basler, vol. 3, p. 14546 .

*** Since there is no way I'm linking to Mein Kampf, rather check out the very informative article:  Creationists, Hitler and Evolution


**** You have to love the irony here - the same engine that powers racism is powering this Creationist assault on Evolution.  When they ignore the Christianity of the Nazis and the KKK and instead blame evolution for every social ill ever it all comes down to the ancient instinct of "Our people good, your people bad!"

Empty lament

I really miss knowing everything.  A decade or so ago you could have asked me anything and I would have had a clear, precise answer for you - no waffling, no maybe's, no if's or but's.  Be it God, Christianity, right, wrong, sin, politics, history or how the world works I knew the simple, obvious truths of it all.  What happened to me?  I thought you are supposed to become wiser with age.  I must have missed a turn somewhere because it seems to me that the older I get the less I understand.  The only thing I know now is that I don't really know much of anything.

Why is that?  Shouldn't I know a lot by now?  Why do I feel like I used to be full and now I am empty?  A lot has happened since the days when I knew everything about everything.  I have experienced joy and loss, hunger, death, disease, friendship, rejection, communion and loneliness.  These are the things that are supposed to make you wise aren't they?  I should really have a better grasp on the facts of life now than I ever did before.  Why do I have more questions than answers then?  For instance I used to think I understood being alone since I grew up alone and spent a lot of time alone but then I was locked in an isolation ward for 4 days - with no tv, radio, internet or any human contact except for when they shoved my food through the door - and suddenly I learned that I really didn't know a damn thing.  Four days is a long weekend, it's nothing, that's just a taste, what must true isolation be like?  Similarly, being sick and being poor just gave me enough of a glimpse to know that I know nothing of what those in severe poverty or with terminal illness go through.

So here I am, many years later.  Instead of everything I know nothing, instead of wise I feel foolish and instead of full I feel empty.  Where did I go wrong?

The Holy Darkness of Words

The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was.

  Exodus 20:21

Then said Solomon, The LORD hath said that he would dwell in the thick darkness.

 2 Chron 6:1  

I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.

Isaiah 45:3

"Remember when I moved in you; the holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah"[1]

Usually I’m not a very big fan of artists adding their own tweaks to classic songs but I make an exception for Rufus Wainwright.  When recorded his version of the Leonard Cohen classic Hallelujah and he changed the words “holy dove” to “holy dark” he gave me a name for something I have been struggling to put my finger on for years.

"I remember that time you told me
"Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine
'Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time"[2]

Words.  They bring us joy and sorrow.  They fill us with rapture and disgust.  We use them, abuse them, learn them, rhyme them, we define and redefine them. We love (with) them and we hate (with) them.  They have so much power* and I have to wonder, do words serve us or do we serve them?  We may shape them but they shape us as well.  They are the stuff of our thoughts.  They are the hammers and chisels that carve our very souls.

"There's a blaze of light In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah"[1]

I suspect sometimes that words have a secret life of their own.  I know it sounds crazy but there are times when I listen to a song or read a piece of poetry or prose and I get the sense that the words are barely contained by paragraphs and punctuation.  They buckle and strain against their confinement, trying to break free, trying to take you deeper, show you more.  Sometimes they roll around your mind like snowballs, picking up thoughts and becoming ideas.  Sometimes they leave you with a sense of otherness, something hard to explain.  It’s like the words are bigger than they look.  They seem to show you something just outside your field of vision, something you can just glimpse through the corner of your mind’s eye.  You can’t really name it, you can’t really explain it but its there and it’s transcendent and big and very real and somehow unreal at the same time.

"I've always felt consumed by an air as thick as fever
All the way through my childhood
Even today your birthmark burns
In a sunshine haze you stay vulnerable"[3]

So I guess calling it the holy dark is as good a term as any.

"I am elated in the twilight"[3]

There are many examples of times it seemed like there was something bigger behind the mere words.  Sometimes it took a bit of life experience to get it.  The Counting Crows have all these profound sounding lyrics that on closer inspection must be in-jokes (or just nonsense) because they make no rational sense.  But the song Long December suddenly made sense to me with my mom’s long illness, especially the line that talks about “the smell of hospitals in winter, and the feeling that it’s all a lot of oysters but no pearls”.  What does that mean?  I can’t tell you exactly.  And yet on some level that makes complete and utter sense to me now.  It resounds with me on a level I cannot quite express.  Similarly, I can’t tell you why the lines from Book of Love that goes:

“The book of love is long and boring
and written very long ago
it’s full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
and things we're all too young to know”[4]

I hear that last line and something inside me goes “Yes, that’s exactly right” but when I reply “What is?  What do you mean?” I find that I can’t answer me.  There is just something there, something almost tangible, something I almost understand.  It’s a holy darkness.  It’s nothing short of a numinous experience.

"The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb"[4]

Now I grant you that the evolutionary explanation for why we experience the numinous - namely that our ancestors who felt there was something out there (even when there wasn’t) tended to live longer than those who didn’t feel there was something out there (when oftentimes there were) - is a very plausible explanation.  But I can’t help but wonder if the reason we have a sense of the numinous could instead be because our species grew up around the numinous, because there truly was something wholly other around us from our infancy – a seldom glimpsed mystery we could only reach for but never truly grasp.

"And even though It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah"[1]

This is one of the reasons why, for all my love of reason and rationality, for all my skepticism, I’m still a believer.  Try as I might, I simply cannot shake the conviction that there is something greater than myself, greater than us all out there.  I can’t tell you exactly why but that’s the holy dark sense that some words leave me with.






* George Orwell (in the brilliant and dreary Nineteen eighty four) suggested that he who controls the words control all – because if you cannot word it you cannot think it (and even if you could manage you could never express it) – something I find utterly profound and incredibly frightening.

[1] Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen / Jeff Buckley / Rufus Wainwright (Pick your favourite version)
[2] A case of you - Tori Amos (The cover far surpasses the original IMHO)
[3] In the Twillight - aKing
[4] Book of love - Peter Gabriel (Again, not the original artist but my favourite version)

Fact vs Truth

I recently had the pleasure to see made for TV version of Terry Pratchett's Hogfather.  Sure, it wasn't as good as the book but adapting a Pratchett book for the screen will always be a daunting task and if you ask me they did a pretty good job.  If you are a fan of Terry Pratchett but you haven't read The Hogfather - basically the plot revolves around the Auditors of Reality hiring the Assassins Guild to kill The Hogfather and Death stepping in to help save him.  If you haven't read The Hogfather and you don't know Terry Pratchett's work - well honestly I wouldn't even know where to begin catching you up.  Go read the Discworld novels, they are brilliant and they will make you laugh so hard you'll probably pee a little.  However they are not just funny, they are just as often quite profound.

After watching this I was especially struck by a conversation at the end of the story between Death and his granddaughter Susan:

“All right,” said Susan. “I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable.”
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
“Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little-“
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
“So we can believe the big ones?”
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
“They're not the same at all!”
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET-- Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME... SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
“Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point---“
MY POINT EXACTLY.
She tried to assemble her thoughts.
THERE IS A PLACE WHERE TWO GALAXIES HAVE BEEN COLLIDING FOR A MILLION YEARS, said Death, apropos of nothing. DON'T TRY TO TELL ME THAT'S RIGHT.
“Yes, but people don't think about that,” said Susan. Somewhere there was a bed...
CORRECT. STARS EXPLODE, WORLDS COLLIDE, THERE’S HARDLY ANYWHERE IN THE UNIVERSE WHERE HUMANS CAN LIVE WITHOUT BEING FROZEN OR FRIED, AND YET YOU BELIEVE THAT A... A BED IS A NORMAL THING. IT IS THE MOST AMAZING TALENT.
“Talent?”
OH, YES. A VERY SPECIAL KIND OF STUPIDITY. YOU THINK THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS INSIDE YOUR HEADS.
“You make us sound mad,” said Susan. A nice warm bed...
NO. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THINGS THAT AREN'T TRUE. HOW ELSE CAN THEY BECOME?"

I often like to ponder life's big questions (sometimes even without beer!).  Questions like:  Do things happen for a reason or do they happen due to random chance? Do I have a purpose in life or is the universe ultimately devoid of meaning and purpose?  After listening to that conversation I think I finally know the answer.  The answer is: Yes.

It's strange how sometimes things manage to be astoundingly complex and stunningly simple all at the same time.  But that's what you get when you put people in a universe.  Thanks to people, the truth is sometimes bigger than the facts.  Surely if the universe had no people in it, it would contain nothing but facts.  Alas, it does have us and so instead it is filled with so much more.  It is quite an amazing talent we have, something so amazing it's hard to not be utterly amazed by it and yet...  And yet somehow we don't even seem to notice it at all.  We can take random chance and give it meaning.  We can take the cruelty of an indifferent universe and craft it into purpose.  Can we not see what a miracle it is when we turn accident and tragedy into something deeply meaningful?  When we take the senseless and force it to make sense?  When instead of settling dutifully under the yoke of happenstance and coincidence like every other creature we instead reshape it and make it work for us?  Who else in all of creation can even dream of doing as we do?

See that is why I have no problem believing that the tale told in Genesis is true.  I don't think it is factual though - I in no sense believe the world was made as is 6000 years ago complete with dinosaur fossils to fool the heathen scientists.  Yet who can watch humanity craft nothing into something and salvage beauty out of tragedy and still not comprehend that we are made in the Image of God?

Well I guess I know the answer to that too - we can.  Humans are hands down the strangest beings in existence.  We are bursting at the seams with awesome majesty and yet somehow we manage to become bored.  Bored!  Can you imagine that?!  We can behold, understand and create beauty and splendour far beyond the dreams of anything else that breathes and yet we can content ourselves with sleepwalking through our brief lives.  We can dream so much bigger than lives we know and yet we can satisfy ourselves with scraps of mediocrity.  I think the fact that we even manage to use the term "self fulfilling prophecy" as a derogatory term is mind-blowing!!  What madness is this?!  We can imagine a possible future for ourselves and then make it happen and then somehow manage to snort at the very idea of it - as if it were some trifling thing!! 

Therefore, to our storytellers, our poets, our singers and our artists.  To our dreamers, our planners, our thinkers and philosophers.  To everyone who can look at that which is not true and turn it into truth (or at the very least convince us that it could become true).  To all who remind us that we are so much more than we think we are.  To those who show us that what doesn't destroy us can indeed make us stronger.  To everyone who turns randomness into purpose and  to those who make the meaningless mean something.

Thank you.  Thank you for creating the true, the beautiful and the wonderful where once it was not, for reminding me that everything that isn't but should be, can be.  Thank you.

The photos are of graffiti by Banksy on the Israeli West bank barrier and Bethlehem.  I think his art shows the juxtaposition of facts and truth far better than I could ever hope to.

Defeating the Devil's Music! (A How-to guide for aspiring Anti-Rock Crusaders)

Reading some recent articles* on The Slacktivist regarding Good Fight Ministries (GooFi Ministries if you want to be cool) sure brought back some fond childhood memories.  It warmed the cockles of my heart to see that there are still some good people out there, boldly informing us all that Rock ‘n Roll is the Devil’s music!  I
remember that while I was growing up we in South Africa had the good fortune of having a man by the name of Rodney Seale around to tour our schools and churches to save us from the perils of Rock ‘n Roll decadence.  I even had his book (sadly I no longer have it) which explained in detail how every band from ABBA to ZZ Top was in fact irredeemably rotten.  More importantly it revealed that Rock music was in fact an EVIL CONSPIRACY (of horrible evil) designed to unleash sex, drugs and SATAN on a complacent world.  Ah yes, good times. (Why yes, growing up as a premillenial dispensationalist fundamentalist was indeed a non-stop funfest, why do you ask?)

Alas, the world of now seems to be sadly deficient in quality Anti-Rock Crusaders.  There just aren’t enough people out there warning the children (somebody please think of the children!!) that all this “heavy music” is actually from SATAN!!  So then as a public service (for the children!!), I have decided to condense my decades of listening to criticism about rock music into a handy, easy to follow toolkit.  My hope is that these pointers, along with a good book about the perils of rock and a relevant look, will enable more people to save the precious children from evil music.

Goldmine Oldies
So you want to be an Anti-rock Crusader?  Well then memorize these 3 letters:  ABR – Always Be Relevant.  You have to know the kids, you have to look like them, speak their language and use terms like “the kids” and “speak their language”.  So once you have your torn, whitewashed jeans, your one earring (remember – left is right but right is wrong!) and your long hair/ponytail/mullet/giant perm you are ready for some serious relating!  Feel free to ignore any artist currently in the charts, they’re hardly relevant now are they?  You know who you should be focusing on instead?  The Beatles, that’s who!  Kids today are really really really into The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Elvis Presley, Black Sabbath and Little Richard so be sure to focus most of your energy on these guys.  As an added bonus, you can find tons of info on these guys by Anti-rock Crusaders from decades past so all the hard research work has already been done for you!!  Now you can really reach out effectively to all those teenagers with their long hippie hair, bean bags and lava lamps!  Want to really get your relevance on?  Read up on Alistair Crowley and Timothy Leary.  See that look of utter incomprehension on their faces?  That’s right, its because they have trouble grasping just how you managed to become this clued up and relevant!  You’re welcome!

Irony:  Threat or Menace?
Trust me, you will never amount to much as an Anti-rock Crusader if you know what irony is.  The key to success is severe irony deficiency.  It’s a little known fact that rock groups never actually put on an “act” or adopt “persona's” for artistic purposes – its actually all true.  If there is anything remotely occult seeming/sounding about a band that’s because they sold themselves to SATAN!  Always believe everything you hear (with one exception, see below) and remember the golden rule – you can never be too credulous.

The Jesus/lie – Satan/true rule
While you should most certainly take everything you hear in a rock song at face value there is one exception – any mention of God/Christianity.  It’s pretty simple.  All rock musicians work directly for SATAN – we already know this.   Therefore we can be 100% certain that any mention of THE DEVIL in music should be taken as 100% factual.  You know that song “The Devil went down to Georgia”?  True story!  On the other hand any positive message, any mention of God or Jesus and every good thing in every rock song ever must be false.  Its all part of their EVIL CONSPIRACY (of terrible evil) to lull you to sleep and infiltrate your home and drink all your beer fruit juice.  Don’t think for a second that those so called “Christian” Rock bands are exempt here.  They work for SATAN too!!!  Don’t believe me?  Well then check out this Chick tract, it will explain it all.  Still don’t believe me?  Fine then, keep listening to “Christian Rock” but don’t come crying to me when your kids start wearing black and your dog and cat start living together!

Desperately seeking Satan
Time for me to lay some hard truth on you – it's not always going to be easy to show the kids that Rock ‘n Roll is indeed the Devil’s music.  Sadly not all bands can have names like “Black Sabbath” and not all artists will have songs like “Father Lucifer” or “Sympathy for the Devil”.  No my friend the work of an Anti-Rock Crusader can’t be all downhill.  Sometimes you have to work at it.  There will be days were you have to comb through songs and media clippings for literally an hour before you find something you can twist use to make your point.  Lucky for you my brave Crusader-in-training, musicians tend to write more wacky lyrics than you can shake a very large stick at so you are pretty much guaranteed to find something.  Look for instance at this weird lyric by Tori Amos from her song Spark: 

“If the divine master plan is perfection
Maybe next I’ll give Judas a try “

Clearly this means she is a Judas Priestess because that is a real thing that totally exists!  Also if you fail to make a compelling case with the next line:  “Trusting my soul to the ice cream assassin” well then you may not be cut out for this line of work.

Creative Truthing
When it comes to the business of saving souls from hellfire you should not let insignificant things like “facts” or “reality” bog you down.  After all we are talking about the immortal souls of the children here!  So if I may paraphrase the great sage Adam Savage, you should feel free to reject reality and substitute your own.  Please, think of the children.  For instance when you point out to the kids that the super satanic band U2 once did the song “Helter Skelter” as an act of worship for Charles Manson, you would be wise to skip the opening part where Bono (you know you can’t trust anyone who is into world peace and feeding the hungry – that’s what the Antichrist is into!!) says “This is a song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles. We're stealing it back.”  In cases like these the facts will only muddy the issue.  Remember, it’s not lying if you are doing it to save souls!

From Spellbound by Jack T. Chick

Fun with backward masking.
Remember that time you listened to “Another one bites the dust” by Queen and you were overwhelmed by the sudden urge to smoke marijuana?  You don’t?  Well clearly you are mistaken because we all know that's totally what happens!  Stop lying to yourself!  You know why that happened?  Backwards masking, that’s why!  See bands like Queen insert subliminal messages into their songs (backwards!!) and so force innocent Christian kids to do things they never would do otherwise.  Sure, you need a little bit of imagination to actually hear it.  Sure, you could go record the words “Another one bites the dust” right now and when you play it backwards it will sort of sound like “its fun to smoke marijuana” (well with a little imagination it will).  Once again this is one of those times when reality is only going to slow you down.  Trust me, these backwards messages are there on purpose and despite all the studies that show that subliminal messages doesn’t actually influence squat they totally do!  Besides, even if the messages don’t have any effect while backward, you can be sure that kids play their records in reverse all the time!  What’s that?  You think “compact disks” or “CD’s” don’t work that way?  HA!  Clearly you fell for the LIES of the commie liberal media!  It totally does work that way.  It just has to.


*  If you want to read what The Slacktivist had to say about GooFi Ministries and especially about their massively dishonest treatment of U2, the articles are:
"Satan's Strategy (part 1)
GooFi videos
Vincible FooFiness

Exorcising the demons of sheep fear

It's amazing how long really bad ideas can stay with you. It seems to me what when you considered some ideas to be true for long enough, even finding out that they were false and/or really bad things to believe somehow still fails to rid you of those notions completely. You reject them, you disbelieve them, you try to move on and yet they continue to sit in the darkest pools of your subconscious like warty toads, ready to leap up when you least expect it. I could be wrong but I would wager that ever semi-enlightened adult carries a few of these ugly ex-truths around, whether it be some latent bigotry, unfair stereotypes, utterly false pieces of pop psych or urban myth. I think I carry a bit of all of those in the dark clammy recesses of my mind and recently I became newly aware of the need to clean out these toads, these tenacious demons of ignorance.

On second thought, it hardly seems fair to call these toady remnants "demons of ignorance" because ignorance seems to be the wrong word. These are at at best remnants of former ignorance. Ignorance implies not knowing any better, but the things I'm referring to are instances where you most certainly do know better but you still have these ideas that you know are false tenaciously refusing to give up ground. A good example would be when I was recently doing some essays on various world religions and was surprised to find that a lot of my opinions regarding them were still based on what I read in various Chick Tracts as a child. There I was reading the fascinating tale of the birth of Islam and suddenly I recall the Chick "facts" about how Islam (as well as communism, World War 2, the American Civil War and pretty much every bad thing ever) was actually founded by the Catholic Church! I was stunned by my own mind, I just couldn't believe my (inner) ears! I knew Chick tracts were full of oversimplifications, misinformation and outright lies and yet some part of me still held on to the idea that the Great Catholic Conspiracy as revealed by Jack Chick could be true. Why was that?

I think it would be more accurate to call these toads "demons of double-think" because they entail exactly what George Orwell described - the ability to hold 2 conflicting facts in your mind and accept them both as true. The other shoe finally dropped when I started reading the brilliant page by page analysis of the Left Behind series on The Slacktivist. I was shocked to realise that I was reading in that blog the conclusions I should have come to while reading those books but just never did. I remember vividly that while reading the Left Behind series I kept thinking that "this makes no sense, this is not how the world works, this is not how people are, things simply can't realistically happen this way" AND YET at the very same time I was also thinking "wow, this is exactly how the end time events are supposed to be, these guys are setting it out perfectly, how can anyone doubt this?!" If that reaction makes no sense to you then imagine how I felt when I read someone discussing the books and making the same observations but instead drawing the correct conclusions - that the fact that these books seem so wildly unrealistic proves that all the ideas regarding a premillenial dispensationalist rapture is also unrealistic. If people don't act like that and if the world doesn't work that way and if it is entirely divorced from reality then that renders the entire premise flawed. Scratch that, it renders it impossible. That is the conclusion I should have come to myself, so why didn't I?

I guess one reason could be because these ideas are so incredibly deeply rooted. I grew up as a premillenial dispensationalist and I received endless amounts of Rapture porn from the pulpit for well over a decade. I remember one visiting preacher who taught exclusively on the end times (and we had many of these over the years) who had a giant end times chart that took up the entire front of of the church. I remember it well because amongst other things it clearly explained that Jesus would return for His Church in 1977. Somehow despite the fact that I was born in 1977 and was probably around 13 at the time, I still had no issues believing everything he taught. Honestly its because of things like these that I want to go back in time and smack myself for being so uncritical and naive!


It may seem as if I am overreacting to something small - after all what is the harm in believing these things, its not like it's hurting anyone. Ah, but it is not so simple. See when these toads of ignorance and these demons of doublethink set up shop they create a ripe environment for all their friends to come live in. For instance once you start buying into all the convoluted exegesis about the Antichrist being a man of peace then before long you have the demon of sheep fear in your life. You start disregarding everything that Jesus taught about "turning the other cheek" and about peacemakers being blessed and instead you start mistrusting everyone who actually turn the other cheek and want to make peace. Instead of heeding the Bible's warning to watch out for wolves in sheep's clothing you start watching out for everything that remotely looks like a sheep which usually (and absurdly) leads you to embracing the wolf instead! After all, you start to reason, when one candidate wants peace and the other wants war then surely the guy who wants war is the only one who can't be the Antichrist and so you end up supporting the guy who wants war!! Suddenly it is as if Jesus actually said cursed are the peacemakers!

Don't even get me started on the demon of demon spotting where you start ascribing everything that happens in your life to the work of some demon with a highly specialized name...

Oh crap...