Friday, March 8, 2013

The Brownie Recipe Glurge - now with added moral consistency

I did not write the following story, I'm just amending the ending to make it morally consistent.  You wouldn't want to forward this glurge and look like a hypocrite now would you?  You can read the original, unaltered version here

If you ended up here because you were looking for an actual brownie recipe, why not try Nigella's Snowflake Brownies?  I've made them a bunch of times and they haven't failed me once!  These are so good you will be weeping tears of joy after every bite!  By all means feel free to leave out the white chocolate bits and add more dark chocolate instead.  Always remember, use the best quality ingredients for the best quality results!

OK, on to the morality tale with the questionable morals!


A father of some teenage children had the family rule that they could not attend PG-13 or R rated movies. His three teens wanted to see a particular popular movie that was playing at local theaters. It was rated PG-13.  The teens interviewed friends and even some members of their family's church to find out what was offensive in the movie. The teens made a list of pros and cons about the movie to use to convince their dad that they should be allowed to see it.

The cons were:
*It contained ONLY 3 swear words!
*The ONLY violence was a building exploding (and you see that on TV all the time they said),
*You actually did not 'see' the couple in the movie having sex, it was just implied sex, off camera.

The pros were:
*It was a popular movie, (a blockbuster).
*Everyone was seeing it.
*If the teens saw the movie then they would not feel left out when their friends discussed it.
*The movie contained a good story and plot.
*It had some great adventure and suspense in it.
*There were some fantastic special effects in this movie.
*The movie's stars were some of the most talented actors in Hollywood .
*It probably would be nominated for several awards.
*Many members of their Christian church, including the pastor, had even seen the movie
and said it wasn't really 'that bad'.

Therefore, since there were more pros than cons the teens asked their father to reconsider his position
on just this ONE movie and let them have permission to go see it.

The father looked at the list and thought for a few minutes. He said he could tell his children had spent some time and thought on this request. He asked if he could have a day to think about it before making his decision.

The teens were thrilled, thinking, 'Now we've got him! Our argument is too good! Dad can't turn us down!'
So, they happily agreed to let him have a day to think about their request.

The next evening the Father called his three teenagers, who were smiling smugly, into the living room.
There on the coffee table he had a plate of brownies. The teens were puzzled. The father told his children
he had thought about their request and had decided that if they would eat the brownies, then he would
let them go to the movie. But, he explained, just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.

The pros were :
*They were made with the finest chocolate and other good ingredients.
*They had the added special effect of yummy walnuts in them.
*The brownies were moist and fresh with wonderful chocolate frosting on top.
*He had made these fantastic brownies using an award-winning recipe.
*And best of all, the brownies had been made lovingly by the hand of their own father.

The brownies only had one con :
*He had included a little bit of a special ingredient: The brownies contained just a small amount of dog poop.
But he had mixed the dough well and they probably would not even be able to taste the dog poop and he had baked it at 350 degrees so hopefully any bacteria or germs from the dog poop had probably been destroyed.

Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat the brownies which included just a 'little bit of crap' and not be affected by it, then he knew they would also be able to see the movie with 'just a little bit of smut' and not be affected. Of course, none of the teens would eat the brownies and the smug smiles had left their faces.

The next day the kids told their father that since they weren't allowed to see the movie they would be spending their weekend reading a book instead, unless he had objections to their choice of literature as well that is.  Since the father was very strict and wanted to shield his kids from all material that had age inappropriate content he asked them to tell him more about the book they planned on reading.  They then made the following list of pros and cons for their dad's consideration.

The cons were:
*It contained SOME bad language but not that much.
*It does however contain plenty of sex.  It starts off with some nudity and before long there is sex, rape, incest, sexual slavery, prostitution as well as some passing mention of homosexual sex and bestiality.
*It is pretty violent, start to finish.  There are beatings, stabbings, suicides and murders.  Genocide, patricide, infanticide are all regular occurrences and it also features many brutal depictions of animals being abused and killed in various sadistic ways. 

The pros were:
*It was an international best seller.
*Everyone they knew had been reading it and recommended it as a "must read".
*Many people in their church, including the pastor, had also recommended reading it.
*It contained many noble themes such as perseverance during adversity, humility, forgiveness and compassion for the less fortunate.
*It celebrated the victory of good over evil.
*This book contained some of the most memorable characters and themes of all.
*Since it's based on a true story, it's considered very inspirational.

"Well", said the dad, "I can see you put a lot of effort and research into this but it sounds to me like despite all the good you claim it contains, it there is just way too much inappropriate stuff in there for it to be wholesome reading.  However I'll leave it up to you" said the dad smiling smugly, "if you'd like to prove to me that you can handle so much crap mixed in with the good, I'll be happy to whip up a batch of my special brownies for you!"

"Sheesh! No thanks! That won't be necessary dad!", the kids said in unison.  "It's fine, we promise we won't read the Bible!!"

Have you ever seen the insanely strict standards by which Christian media review sites like Plugged-in Online judge movies and TV by?  The irony is that if they ever judged the Bible - which they claim as the source of their judgements in the first place - by their own standards, the review would be more damning than the one they gave the SAW franchise!  If the Bible was published today, Focus on the Family would be telling you to stay far away from it!


Ali said...

That story makes me feel sick. Controlling parent has irrational standards for kids old enough to make their own decisions! CHARMING! Your version is way better.

Also, re the Bible:

Eugene said...

Thanks! And yes I did see that one, in fact I think we got it from the same source!