Monday, August 11, 2008

Once more into the breach

I recently re-read my very first blog post and it reminded me of the reason I started this blog in the first place. Right from the start, this blog was to be my hole in the ground, a place where I could get out of my head for a bit and just say what I really needed to say but for some reason had trouble saying out loud. It also became a place where I expressed my views on the Christian faith, in fact over time it became mostly that. In that vein there were two posts I still wanted to do over the weekend - one on martyrdom and one on the Bible and where I stand regarding it. However both of those are serious topics that I feel will require a bit more reading up on my side in order to do it justice. Besides, I had other things on my mind. Today is one of those days when I really need a hole in the ground again. Because tomorrow I go back to the hospital.

I can honestly say that I'm not afraid or worried about the surgery. Nevertheless, I really don't look forward to going to the hospital at all. The constant poking and prodding and piercing. Waking up with a catheter (and wondering if the nurses made any hurtful comments when they installed it). Being surrounded by sick people. Not getting any sleep. The horrible breakfast "porridge" that only qualifies as food in the broadest of terms. Indeed there are many reasons not to like hospitals but the thing I hate about it the most is the waiting. Especially at a big state hospital like Pretoria Academic, time moves differently. In fact it seems to not move at all sometimes. First time I went to see a doctor there I arrived at 5:30 AM for a 7:00 AM appointment and only saw a doctor at around 10. Last time I was admitted I again arrived around 5:30 and got a bed around 3 PM. Its enough to make me want to consider giving faith healing another shot!

The part that does worry me is the aftermath. I came across people complaining of all kinds of horrible things (yes, I made the mistake of googling it) after getting their thyroid gland removed - insomnia, depression, anxiety, mood swings - I just stopped reading after a while. Of course I have since spoken to some other people who tell me that with the daily medication there really is no difference. Still, I can't help but wonder what my life will be like post-surgery.

On the bright side it will give me a chance to do some reading. Since my actual surgery is only on Friday I will actually have a LOT of time to read. Which is good news for my blog since good reading equals good blog posts. In fact thats the big reason that I haven't been posting a lot lately, the last book I read was Lance Armstrong's "Its not about the bike". Inspiriational and interesting certainly, but the only things I learned from that book is that:
  1. Lance Armstrong is kind of an A-Hole
  2. If you want to give it as an inspirational book, give it to mothers with sons, especially single mothers - the truly inspirational part is the relationship between him and his mother. Don't give it to people with cancer, that part of the story freaked me the hell out personally.
  3. The Tour de France is not a fun sporting event.
Coupled with the fact that my faith in my fellow Christians is at an all time low due to spending time at Fundies say the darndest things I have just not been very inspired to write lately, so I really look forward to re-reading Velvet Elvis and as many other good books as I am able to squeeze into my hospital bag. Maybe this downtime (featuring the side effect of no internet access) is just what I need.

See you on the other side


RandomSue said...

I liked this post. It was raw and authentic. I'm sorry for what you are about to go through but I hope you find comfort in the fact that Tim and I will be praying for you. (I'm not sure about Tiffany though, she needs to get her heart right with Jesus). You also have those two bad ass angels that hang with you so remember you are not alone. This will all be behind you soon.

We will be looking forward to those blog post that can only come from life experiences like this one.

Be at peace my friend.

TPluckyT said...

Hang in there Eugene . . . It's difficult not to serve up platitudes at a time like this, but please know we care . . .

GumbyTheCat said...

Hey buddy, you hang in there. As Plucky says, we care. I'll help with the fundie-bashing while you're away ;)