That should have been your first clue

I know I'm over a decade late to the party but I recently discovered the delightful British series Jonathan Creek.  On the bright side, being late to the party means I get to watch the whole series on youtube for free!  For those unfamiliar with the show, it's about a man who devises illusions for a stage magician for a living who uses his skills and insights to solve crimes that appear to have been impossible.  If you're into skepticism and/or the very charming Alan Davies I strongly recommend watching it.  It frequently demonstrates how the truth behind an astonishing mystery can be incredibly mundane so if you want to believe that magic tricks are really magic, this may not be your kind of show...

So while watching one of the episodes, an off hand comment by one of the characters made me realize that there is an incredibly banal truth behind the very popular supernatural belief in reincarnation.  In the season 2 episode "Danse Macabre" the victim of a baffling murder is said to have been working on her autobiography - or rather her autobiographies - an account of her many lives throughout the ages. They included: "high priestess of the Aztec Empire... a courtesan to King Charles I, a Russian Countess and a Zulu at Rorke's Drift."

I've been fascinated by the supernatural since childhood and read anything I could find on the subject* and this seemed exactly like everything anyone claiming to remember their "past lives" has ever said.  It's the weirdest thing when you think about it, how these previous incarnations are always incredibly significant.  People were either very important historical figures or they were somehow connected to important historical figures and events.  How strange, seeing as the vast majority of people throughout history were neither important nor involved with anything important.  For most of history people were born, worked hard, lived lives devoid of comfort or importance and then died.  Yet funnily enough, you never seem to hear anyone with a past life being any of those people!  No one remembers a past life where they toiled hard, lived off turnips and died young because the most cutting edge medical procedure of the time was getting bled to death.  Nope, it's always kings and queens and courtesans it seems!  What are the odds?

Uncomfortable truth time, how important are you?  I know we all get told from childhood that we are special little snowflakes and that our lives have much importance and meaning, but does it? Really?  I'm not trying to insult you and I'm not insinuating that your life is meaningless.  Obviously if you are reading this blog you are an amazing and intelligent person with a sensitive soul and a great sense of humour! Your closest friends and family would no doubt agree that you are totally awesome.  However, in the grand scheme of things, how important do you think you are?  Will people be reading about you in a 100 years?  How about your friends and associates? Will they be famous centuries from now?  Will your work be discussed in Universities one day?

Several important events happened within my lifetime: Elvis died, ABBA broke up, John Lennon was assassinated, George Lucas created and subsequently destroyed several million happy childhood memories, the Berlin Wall came down, the Soviet Union collapsed, Apartheid ended and Lady Gaga was born.  I didn't play any part in any of those events.  It's a fair bet that you didn't either.  Not everyone gets to do something significant with our lives.  That doesn't mean we don't wish it wasn't so.

There is a reason that almost all works of fantasy involve someone plucked from obscurity and turned into someone of great importance.  I think all nobodies wish they were somebodies.  Who doesn't dream of being discovered and appreciated and admired and remembered?  I suspect this kind of dream, this deep wish for specialness, lives inside us all.  Therefore the fact that all past life experiences are so special and significant is the only clue you need to figure out that past lives are bullshit. There are no past lives, just current wish fulfillment. 

No matter how much you dream of being special, the cold reality of your life can't be shut out forever.  Reincarnation is however a great way of overcoming reality.  Maybe you're not so amazing NOW but what if you were incredibly special in a past life (or ten)?  Surely that could mean that you might end up being incredibly important in some other life in the future!

I'm something of a dreamer myself so I completely understand the allure.  But that doesn't make it true.  You can't make yourself special by wishing it so.  Burying yourself in fantasy is comfortable but it's also a little dangerous.  After all, if you're reading this you're probably not dead so your story isn't over yet.  History is not done with you, maybe you turn out to be more significant than you could even dream.  Who knows how your story is going to play out in the end?  You're not a Pharaoh or a High Priest or a brave knight.  You are you.  Why not make the best of it?

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*It led to many tearful repentance sessions and the occasional book burning since by even reading about the occult I was opening myself to Satan's influence.  If you didn't grow up Pentecostal or Charismatic that wouldn't mean anything to you but trust me, it was a big deal!

What is Wrong with Rights?

Today is Human Rights Day which is great because it's a public holiday.  There is however the fact that the words "human rights" still conjure up a vague sense of unease within me is keeping me from enjoying it as much as I should.  This is not OK.  I was raised to have a negative view of human rights and this needs to stop right now so today I'm going to try to dig this thing up by the root!

I think part of the problem was that I was never really clear on why human rights were supposed to be bad.  For as long as I can remember people in church only mentioned human rights in a derisive manner.  Much like "humanism" or "compromise" it was a term that everyone apparently just understood was a bad thing, no explanation necessary.  So that was all I knew.  Human rights were bad.  Actually all rights were bad - Human rights, Children's rights, Animal rights - all of them.  Good Christians were supposed to be against having rights.  Having rights were bad, you were supposed to "give up your rights".  Again, no idea why, it's just something good Christians were supposed to believe.  Lest you think I was just in some weird cult, this happens all over.  Not only do certain American Christians oppose Children's rights, they even actively oppose giving rights to the disabled.  This isn't just something my weird little pentecostal church taught, this is something Christians all over the world believe.  But why?

Well for the first time in my life I looked up the actual Universal Declaration of Human Rights and I have to say, it was no help at all!  Everything on there seemed like a great idea!  I see nothing in it that could be scary in any way, except perhaps if you were a running an oppressive dictatorship.

So I've been scouring my memory banks and came up with two possible reasons I was supposed to consider human rights a bad thing:

Rights lead to entitlement!  I distinctly remember one sermon in the student church I attended making the case that we should abandon human rights and instead adopt human responsibility.  See having rights make you entitled and lazy and prevents you from taking the responsibility to help yourself.  This makes total sense right up until you actually read up on what human rights actually entail at which point it stops making any sense at all.  This is just one more nasty offspring from the union of Christianity with political conservatism.  There is this deep seated aversion to people getting good things they didn't earn themselves which is pretty ironic considering the basic tenets of Christian Theology...  Any mention of human rights also tended to get rather vitriolic when it was regarding the rights of a criminal.  This of course isn't confined to church, this happens everywhere.  Everyone seems to get really upset at the idea that a suspected criminal could have rights under the law, and I certainly understand that impulse.  However this too shows both complete ignorance of what human rights actually entail and a staggering lack of empathy.  You don't think criminals should have rights?  What if you were accused of a crime?  Should you get to have rights?  Yes?  Well then, maybe having basic human rights isn't the worst thing in the world!

Rights are a conspiracy!  If you want to understand Evangelical Christians you need to understand End Times paranoia.  Really if you only have the time to learn ONE THING about Christians, learn this because it colours the world of Christendom more than any other doctrine.  What Christians believe about the end of the world determines how they relate to the other groups, international relations, climate change and everything related to the future.  This is why many Christians - especially in America - distrust the UN.  They believe that the UN is just a forerunner for the One World Government the Antichrist will install during the End Times to oppress all Real True Christians (who weren't Raptured)*.  Therefore, everything connected to the UN must be viewed with suspicion.  No matter how benign it might seem, ultimately it has to be a nefarious trap to destroy the Christian way of life.  Since the UN is the one pushing for rights, rights have to be bad.  I know it doesn't make sense but then again, neither do their ideas about the End Times.

So then as best I can gather I was supposed to distrust human rights because it may make people suffer less and because it could all be fantastical plot by a nonexistent evil entity.  Well, I guess that settles that.

Human Rights are to be promoted and protected.  Human Rights are not to be feared.  These things should be self evident and I'm ashamed that for a while they weren't.  Happy Human Rights Day!

***

See also:  Things that are and are not cake.  I should add human rights (or just rights in general) to things that are not cake.  You can have the full spectrum of human rights and it will take nothing away from me.  I can have all the same rights too.  There is enough to go around, rights are not cake!  Enjoy!

The Brownie Recipe Glurge - now with added moral consistency

I did not write the following story, I'm just amending the ending to make it morally consistent.  You wouldn't want to forward this glurge and look like a hypocrite now would you?  You can read the original, unaltered version here. 

If you ended up here because you were looking for an actual brownie recipe, why not try Nigella's Snowflake Brownies?  I've made them a bunch of times and they haven't failed me once!  These are so good you will be weeping tears of joy after every bite!  By all means feel free to leave out the white chocolate bits and add more dark chocolate instead.  Always remember, use the best quality ingredients for the best quality results!

OK, on to the morality tale with the questionable morals!

***

THE BROWNIE RECIPE

A father of some teenage children had the family rule that they could not attend PG-13 or R rated movies. His three teens wanted to see a particular popular movie that was playing at local theaters. It was rated PG-13.  The teens interviewed friends and even some members of their family's church to find out what was offensive in the movie. The teens made a list of pros and cons about the movie to use to convince their dad that they should be allowed to see it.

The cons were:
*It contained ONLY 3 swear words!
*The ONLY violence was a building exploding (and you see that on TV all the time they said),
*You actually did not 'see' the couple in the movie having sex, it was just implied sex, off camera.

The pros were:
*It was a popular movie, (a blockbuster).
*Everyone was seeing it.
*If the teens saw the movie then they would not feel left out when their friends discussed it.
*The movie contained a good story and plot.
*It had some great adventure and suspense in it.
*There were some fantastic special effects in this movie.
*The movie's stars were some of the most talented actors in Hollywood .
*It probably would be nominated for several awards.
*Many members of their Christian church, including the pastor, had even seen the movie
and said it wasn't really 'that bad'.

Therefore, since there were more pros than cons the teens asked their father to reconsider his position
on just this ONE movie and let them have permission to go see it.

The father looked at the list and thought for a few minutes. He said he could tell his children had spent some time and thought on this request. He asked if he could have a day to think about it before making his decision.

The teens were thrilled, thinking, 'Now we've got him! Our argument is too good! Dad can't turn us down!'
So, they happily agreed to let him have a day to think about their request.

The next evening the Father called his three teenagers, who were smiling smugly, into the living room.
There on the coffee table he had a plate of brownies. The teens were puzzled. The father told his children
he had thought about their request and had decided that if they would eat the brownies, then he would
let them go to the movie. But, he explained, just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.

The pros were :
*They were made with the finest chocolate and other good ingredients.
*They had the added special effect of yummy walnuts in them.
*The brownies were moist and fresh with wonderful chocolate frosting on top.
*He had made these fantastic brownies using an award-winning recipe.
*And best of all, the brownies had been made lovingly by the hand of their own father.

The brownies only had one con :
*He had included a little bit of a special ingredient: The brownies contained just a small amount of dog poop.
But he had mixed the dough well and they probably would not even be able to taste the dog poop and he had baked it at 350 degrees so hopefully any bacteria or germs from the dog poop had probably been destroyed.

Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat the brownies which included just a 'little bit of crap' and not be affected by it, then he knew they would also be able to see the movie with 'just a little bit of smut' and not be affected. Of course, none of the teens would eat the brownies and the smug smiles had left their faces.

The next day the kids told their father that since they weren't allowed to see the movie they would be spending their weekend reading a book instead, unless he had objections to their choice of literature as well that is.  Since the father was very strict and wanted to shield his kids from all material that had age inappropriate content he asked them to tell him more about the book they planned on reading.  They then made the following list of pros and cons for their dad's consideration.

The cons were:
*It contained SOME bad language but not that much.
*It does however contain plenty of sex.  It starts off with some nudity and before long there is sex, rape, incest, sexual slavery, prostitution as well as some passing mention of homosexual sex and bestiality.
*It is pretty violent, start to finish.  There are beatings, stabbings, suicides and murders.  Genocide, patricide, infanticide are all regular occurrences and it also features many brutal depictions of animals being abused and killed in various sadistic ways. 

The pros were:
*It was an international best seller.
*Everyone they knew had been reading it and recommended it as a "must read".
*Many people in their church, including the pastor, had also recommended reading it.
*It contained many noble themes such as perseverance during adversity, humility, forgiveness and compassion for the less fortunate.
*It celebrated the victory of good over evil.
*This book contained some of the most memorable characters and themes of all.
*Since it's based on a true story, it's considered very inspirational.


"Well", said the dad, "I can see you put a lot of effort and research into this but it sounds to me like despite all the good you claim it contains, it there is just way too much inappropriate stuff in there for it to be wholesome reading.  However I'll leave it up to you" said the dad smiling smugly, "if you'd like to prove to me that you can handle so much crap mixed in with the good, I'll be happy to whip up a batch of my special brownies for you!"


"Sheesh! No thanks! That won't be necessary dad!", the kids said in unison.  "It's fine, we promise we won't read the Bible!!"

***

Have you ever seen the insanely strict standards by which Christian media review sites like Plugged-in Online judge movies and TV by?  The irony is that if they ever judged the Bible - which they claim as the source of their judgements in the first place - by their own standards, the review would be more damning than the one they gave the SAW franchise!  If the Bible was published today, Focus on the Family would be telling you to stay far away from it!

If you got problems...

You know, when you have one it's really easy to take it for granted.  Sometimes it's easy to forget just how many problems are solved simply by having one.  Thankfully someone stuck this reminder on a roadsign!

The Myth of Heroic Rape

Rape is an exceedingly terrible thing that can never ever be considered good, right?  I thought that would be the foregone conclusion of any sane, civilized person with even an ounce of empathy but I was wrong.  Some people seem to have come to the worrying conclusion that while rape is usually bad, it can sometimes be a good thing.

I was watching a Rosario Dawson movie called Descent the other day.  She plays a shy, bookish girl who goes on a date with a popular jock and then gets brutally raped by him.  *Spoiler alert if you plan on watching it but I wouldn't recommend it, it's not a good movie* In the end she seduces him, brings her to her apartment for a date, convinces him to get undressed and then ties him to the bed where she proceeds to rape him with an object.  Then her big black friend comes in and brutally rapes the jock some more.  I believe something similar happened in Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

However this idea that rape can be heroic and appropriate as long as you're raping a bad person isn't confined to the occasional girl power revenge flick.  It's everywhere.  You see it every time a sex offender gets sentenced to jail and suddenly everyone seems to be gleefully commenting on how he will soon be on the receiving end of several hundred rapes.  Hell I used to do that myself until the full implication of this dawned on me.

If rape is an abominable, soul destroying act that harms another human being to their very core then it cannot ever be a good thing.  Not ever.  Not even when it happens to a pedophile.  We are outraged when some tribal elder in some godforsaken part of the world uses rape as a way to punish a young girl - and rightfully so!  Rape is a crime, not a punishment.  It should never be OK to use as a form of punishment, it should always be an abomination to us.  Always.  Once you start decreeing that some people actually deserve to be raped then you're not even on a slippery slope anymore, you've already fallen down the hole.  

I have no proof of this but I don't think that you can defile someone in this way without defiling yourself as well.  When you rape someone you are doing violence to your own psyche as well.  Nothing about rape can ever be redemptive or heroic.  It's bad enough that in the last decade torture went from something unspeakably wrong to something completely acceptable as long as the "good guys" are doing it.  The same thing should absolutely not be allowed to happen with the crime of rape.

I understand this impulse though.  Whenever I hear of some horrible crime (and unfortunately that's happening a lot) there is that moment when I wish the cruelest of the ancient tortures to be visited upon the criminals so they can be made to suffer for their barbarity.  However I understand that this impulse is not about justice but about vengeance.  This is impulse is neither good nor right and I try not to foster it.  I don't always feel it but I have to believe that violence and cruelty can never be the way forward.  When we indulge in it, it stains us all.  No good can come of it.  So I try to choose not to indulge in such twisted fantasies.  This pervasive idea that violence and death can be good needs to end.  It will not come naturally to us so he have to keep making that choice again and again for as long as it takes.

Or am I just being massively naive now?

A Queer Thing Happened on the Bus...

When you regularly commute using the same bus line you get to know the other regulars.  It's not like you're making new life long best friends (well maybe others do, I don't) but you get to know the faces.  Occasionally there is some light conversation, usually just about how much the bus service sucks.  We exchange a few horror stories of how late a bus we waited for was and then we go on our way.  That's the way I prefer it anyway.

So there is this guy on my morning route - to protect his identity we'll call him "Johnny" - who usually walks over to strike up a conversation.  Like I mentioned before, bus stop conversations are rarely serious.  At this point all we've ever chatted about was what we do for a living and how much the bus service sucks.  This time we ended up sitting together so we had to talk some more.  He asked what I liked to do on weekends, if I go to clubs and bars.  I replied that I don't.  So we're driving along and I'm making increasingly strained polite conversation and wondering just how rude it would be if I put my earphones in and turned my iPod back on during a lull in the conversation.  Suddenly he points out a building in Lynwood street and asks if I knew that the old ABSA bank building was now a place called Sauna Boyz where you can go for saunas and massages or just lounge in a jacuzzi.  I did not.  Now dear reader, you may be a lot more astute than I so at this early point in the story you can probably tell exactly where this is going.  I assure you however that at this point I was completely oblivious!

So then he keeps telling me about all these clubs that he (and a friend) went to.  He told me about his friend from a small town who really wanted to go check out this club in Joberg called The Factory where - you guessed it! - people could jacuzzi or sauna.  In fact, he just kept going on an on about all these clubs where you can jacuzzi or sauna, although he preferred to hang out at the bar in a towel and just check out the people.  Yes I know that it should have been super obvious to me at this point but I swear I was just honestly puzzled about his obsession with going out to bathe in clubs!  My honest-to-blog thought at this point was "Does he not have a bath at home or something?"  He just went on and on about all these places and how they usually have one day per week where you can bring a friend along and then you only pay cover charge for one person. 

Eventually though when he was telling me about this club in Menlyn called Camp David (where blah blah jacuzzi, sauna etc) the penny finally dropped and I thought to myself, "Hold on, Camp David?  That sounds kinda like a gay club..."

So what I should have said was "Hold on, are these gay clubs?  Because if so you may have the wrong idea about me."  What said instead (right after he explained how you have to take off all your clothes and put on just a towel upon entering) was, "So where do you put your wallet then?"  In my defense I didn't just want to assume anything so I resolved to just google those places later rather to make sure of my facts.

Long story short, yes they were.  Actually no, they weren't JUST gay clubs.  They were gay sex clubs.

So now I'm in a bit of an awkward situation.  Thinking back, the fact that I was so clueless may have given the impression that I was totally open to going on a date to one of these clubs!  So what is the most tactful way to handle this?  I really don't want to be a a-hole here, he seems nice enough but that doesn't change the fact that I am also very much not gay.  I know what if feels like to put yourself out there and get shot down, I know it's not fun so I'd like to be kind at least.  What's the best way to communicate that?  Do I now just straight up tell the guy I looked up the places he mentioned and tell him he's barking up the wrong tree?  OR do I just try to steer our next conversation to how much I'm into females with all the subtlety I can muster and hope he gets the hint?  Straightforward or subtle?  Which is best?  I have very little experience of either sex hitting on me so I' a tad out of my depth.  How do you make the best of an awkward misunderstanding without escalating it to Three's Company style hijinx?    

Truth be told I'm not angry, creeped out or disgusted.  I'm just really, really puzzled!  What did I do to give him the wrong impression?  Do I come across as gay*?  More importantly, do I come across as bath house gay?  And should I ask?  This is the kind of situation I'd really like to avoid in future!

*********************************************************************************

*I swear, I didn't once mention being a Lady Gaga fan!

Everybody's doing a brand new dance now

So I was watching The Daily Show the other day and something strange happened during the Moment of Zen...



I watched that and didn't really know what to make of it.  Was this some kind of commentary I just wasn't getting?  But then I saw Colbert doing the same thing!



That's when I learned about the Harlem Shake.  Just type "Harlem Shake" into Youtube and you'll find an avalanche of short videos from all over the place.  I have to say it looks like a lot of fun.  Silly fun, but isn't that the best kind?  Definitely a good time you can have with a group of friends.  It's so easy that anyone can do it!

Step 1:  Get some friends and the song Harlem Shake by Baauer
Step 2:  One person dances awkwardly while everyone else sits around feigning indifference
Step 3:  Everyone erupts into crazy dancing!  The goofier the better! 
Optional Step 4:  Record and post to Youtube.

But did you know that besides being easy, enjoyable, accessible and lots of fun, doing the Harlem Shake was also sinful?  Well now you know!  According to this New England pastor, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself because doing the Harlem Shake makes the Baby Jesus cry!

After seeing a video of young Christians doing the Harlem Shake he had the following to say:

"What’s the problem with a little bit of fun, anyway? No one was harmed. There is a time for everything, after all. And anyone who would find fault with it is simply a puritanical prude. Besides, there is context to the occasion; it is participation in a wider cultural experiment and pursuit. It’s innocent.

Never mind the other errors of such thought-processes, I think this definition from Susanna Wesley – mother of John - enunciates the pitfalls of this minimalist mindset the best:

    Take this rule: whatever weakens your reason, impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your sense of God, or takes off your relish of spiritual things; in short, whatever increases the strength and authority of your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, however innocent it may be in itself.

It seems to me that the “Harlem Shake,” however innocent it may appear to some, doesn’t pass Susanna’s criteria – which, I should hasten to add, seems to be a good paraphrase of Philippians 4:8 – on any level.

Of course, to a large degree, I don’t necessarily blame these young people for the behavior. Young people, to a great extent, are simply living as good as they’ve been taught (and putting into practice what the older generation would love to do in theory – were they not too self-conscious). They’re a reflection of where we are as a people – a people who have not been gripped by the grace and love of Christ to the point that we want to live entirely by His Spirit rather than our flesh; a people who have forgotten that we’re participants in a “great controversy” where Christ is waiting for us to testify unequivocally that He is a God who not only is love but a God who is powerful enough to transform us into other-centered, self-denying people."

Ahh, that sure brings back memories!  No, not of watching Footloose, though I can totally see why you went there!  No, the thing is I used to be that guy.

Here's the thing.  Christianity is not and can not ever be cool.  No matter how many worship leaders and youth pastors you dress up in vintage tee's & tattoos & goatees (and other stuff that went out of style 10 years ago), it will never be cool.  It can't be.  (Some might argue that it shouldn't be) That's not a bug, it's a feature.  It's about Heaven and Hell and Demons and God and Salvation and your ETERNAL DESTINY.  These are serious things and they don't leave much room for frivolity.  Or being cool.  Or fun.

Look, it's not like no one ever tries.  Lots of Christians try to be cooler or more fun.  It's just that as soon as they do, someone is going to come along and ask a passive aggressive question like, "Is what you're doing/wearing/saying really bringing glory to God?" or "Is this really the best way to redeem your time?" or "How do you think Jesus would feel about this?  Would HE think it's just harmless fun?" or "Just remember, we'll all have to give account of every idle word we speak..." or "Is this really helping the Gospel of Jesus Christ?"  Once that happens people are usually shamed into submission for they know that should they continue, the subject is going to rapidly change to passive aggressive comments on the evils of a rebellious heart...

Still, people then try to be fun and/or cool while keeping everyone happy and not offending the easily offended and that's why Christian Culture tends to be "funny" rather than funny and at least a decade behind actual cool.

However, this doesn't mean Christians are doomed to never have any fun activities!  As the blog I quoted from showed, the good Christians of the world still have some options.  Unlike the Harlem Shake, it's never going to be easy or accessible or even that much fun, but it can be very enjoyable in a sense.  Want to know more?  Well then, let me tell you about competitive piety.  See, just being pious can get tired real quick.  Trust me, as a young Christian teen I was pious as fuck (also probably annoying as fuck but I'm sure that's implied...) so I know exactly where this pastor is coming from.  So then, the way to make it more fun is to make sure you're better at it than the rest.  Being a good Christian, you're probably not going to be dealing with any of the major sins (like murder and stealing) so piety really comes down to sweating the small stuff.  So how do you play?

Step 1:  You can never actually admit to anyone (yourself included) that you're being competitive about your piety because admitting that you think you're better than others is prideful and pride is a sin so admitting to the game means losing the game.

Step 2:  Start dissecting every aspect of life and human conduct and try to find out how they could somehow be sinful.  Bonus points if it's for something really popular and relevant.  (This presupposes a thorough knowledge of Scripture but if you didn't have that you wouldn't be playing, obviously!)  No transgression can be too small!  Example from the comment section:

"In response to your second point: simply taking your words that their motives are to “seek attention” (which is what you have ascribed to them), then, biblically, you contradict your own conclusion that it is not “soul-harming.” See Philippians 2:5-8. Any time my motive is to “seek attention” for myself I am not living out the mind of Christ."

 Step 3:  Start sharing your findings with others and try to shame them into conforming - remember, if you can see sins where they cannot then you win!
VERY IMPORTANT NOTE ON STEP 3:  When shaming people about their hitherto unrealized sinfulness you have to be extremely careful not to appear prideful lest you lose the game so close to the finish line.  Therefore it's important to use terms terms like "I struggle with this too" and "None of us are perfect" and "I'm not judging anyone, we all fall short" with very high frequency.  It's important that this comes off as friendly camaraderie and not as judgement - even though it obviously is about judgement otherwise you wouldn't be having this conversation!  Remember, you're not angry, you're just sad about this unfortunate lack of holiness (of which you are of course also guilty and besides all sins are totally equal and you're totally not prideful or judgmental or anything!)  Example from the comments:

"Sadly, I do this often in my own life, so I condemn no one.
But any time I continue with this type of mindset and behavior, it is very soul-harming because I am indicating that the attention Christ gives me is not enough. I am not ascribing this motive to any in the videos, but simply speaking in generalities. All must evaluate their motives for themselves and be cognizant of this sobering dynamic."

Optional Step 4:  If someone accuses you of being judgmental, nitpicky or being guilty of shaming, act all shocked and butthurt and do your best to turn it around on the accuser.  Remember, hyperbole and slippery slopes are your best friends.  Example from the comment thread:

"So merely evaluating a person’s behavior and concluding that it must make God sad is “condemning” and “shaming”? No one is judging motives, eternal destiny, or anything of the sort. To do so would be, as you say, “condemning.” We are simply evaluating the appropriateness or inappropriateness of a behavior. We’re not trying to read hearts.
Should a person never do this – or must we turn a blind eye to everything?"

Now in the days before the internet, Step 3 took some work.  Nowadays anyone with a blog or a Facebook page can do this with ease but just in case you're abandoning the online world due to its sinful character, here are the old school ways to do it:

• If you're a pastor, just use your pulpit obviously.
• If you're an elder or someone else with slight access to the pulpit, try to use your window.
• If you're a smallgroup leader, use that.
• Ditto if you're not a cell group leader but are still in a cell group and are given a turn to talk
• If all else fails, use that old evangelical standby - the prayer request.  It takes a little skill but with practice you can use prayer time for anything from malicious gossip to thinly veiled personal attacks.

So there you have it!  Have fun!  Or, you know, "fun"...